It's OFFICIAL!

Dude, the WORDIES are in. And thanks for all your input guys. Some of your more persuasive criticism actually did affect me and next time I'm going to make sure I have a best esemble award (as suggested by some, but convinced of to me by Andrew Hupp). It really would have cleared up a problem in the judging (whoo, one show almost didn't get nuttin'! Behind the scenes it was MADNESS, I say! Madness!)

But if you want to see the winners on-line click here.

If you want to hear the what-why-and-how. Well, just keep reading.

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General Excellence: The Empty Space

If anyone was surprised by this one, well, maybe you didn't go to enough plays this year. Even shows that didn't leave me raving at The Space were still good, solid shows compared to other things I'd seen around town. And although they're broke (heck, they're always broke, it's a frickin' FREE THEATER), you gotta give them props for sticking by their beliefs.

That said, they had the most nominations and three out of the five best productions this year were theirs. What was everyone talking to me about -- The Vagina Monologues. What was everying going, "Oooo, you have to see this?" -- Angels in America. What was everyone like, "I didn't think they could pull that off! -- Cabaret.

And the "they" I am talking about are not the actors or the directors but the AUDIENCES I sat amongst. I heard more about The Empty Space from people this year than I heard about any other theater in town. On top of that, this is the theater that's crazy enough to give themselves awards. They're nutty and I love them.

It's not that I love them more, but for poor people, they put on one HELL of a show.

Honorable Mention: The Spotlight Theatre and Cafe
If any theater could have beat out The Empty Space for this honor it was them. Once again, consistant, entertaining, a great venue, a great theater and great set design for another group of people who sometimes struggle financially as well.

Let's face it, The Spotlight and The Empty Space are also two of the riskiest theaters in town. They do the shows other folks won't touch or are afraid to take on. They built a FREAKIN' trap door for Sweeney Todd, Sodheim's most morbid play, (I mean, there's NO happy ending folks) , and I just knew an actor was going to get decapitated.

Best Production: "Angels In America"

This was a pretty much "well, duh" for me. I mean, if you read my review I'd already pretty much given Angels the award. It was, by far, THE BEST THING I SAW ALL YEAR. And I stand by it. Best acting. Best direction. And man, did Hal and The Empty Space do a whole lot with a lotta nothing. I'm looking forward to part two. Hell, I would have sat there another THREE HOURS just to see part two. I mean, seriously, I'd watch Angels as a six hour play. I don't know if the actors could handle it, but I would watch it, mos def!

Best Director: Hal Friedman, "Angels In America"

With the exception of one play that shall remain nameless I liked everything Hal directed this year, but once again, this was a "well, duh." Angels, in my opinion, was the best show of the year, so naturally, I had to give props to the director.

Honorable Mention: Roger Mathey and Ashley Bertz.
Mathey put on some great plays and you'll find out why Ashley almost beat out Hal as you read further.

Best Production No One Saw: "A Few Good Men"

I will never get over why no one saw this. I mean, really Bakersfield, what the hell? Sure, you could rent the Tom Cruise film at Blockbuster, but it started out as a play and the lighting was visual poetry. Roger, you did a great job. I saw it. It was outstanding. Another case of someone doing so much with so little. Doug Cheesman was scary (as opposed as being funny) and the ensemble was fab. Why, Bakersfield? Why?

Best Musical: "Into the Woods"

A shout has to go to all the other musicals nominated. You were all good in your own special and perfect way. That said, I LOVED INTO THE WOODS SO MUCH I SAW IT TWICE. And it was the only play I saw twice. I dragged my friends to it. I told everyone to go see it. For once (which is often a problem becacuse there are so few people to pull from) the WHOLE CAST COULD SING. Which is good for a Sondhiem play because it's all singing. And yet another play by Hal Friedman I liked. And I can rave more (believe me, I can, I felt really strongly about this one), but I'm going to stop and let the fact that they had sooo many nominations speak for itself.)

Honorable mention: Cabaret and Beauty & the Beast
Great show. David, Hal's cast just out sung yours. Otherwise, GREAT SHOW. I mean, Sheila brought a new dimension to Sally Bowles. Mostly played by a younger actress, the fact that Shelia was more mature gave the role a different feeling. Her desperation to stay on the stage, her need for the abortion, all became even more clear in the life of a woman who should be at an age where she should be trying to do something else, but just can't give up what she loves.

As for B&B, it's my favorite Disney musical. I mean, it's as simple as that. It just didn't run as long so not as nearly many people got to see it. But I know it was expensive to put on, as all shows are at the Harvey, but that would have been packed every night for a month if they could have had it run more than three days.

Best Drama: "The Vagina Monologues," (The Empty Space)

Although I heard a few grumblings from purists, over all nearly ever person I met that saw Ashley Bertz's version of "The Vagina Monologues" said, "Damn, that was so much better that some heifer standing there and reading to me for two hours." If I'd (dur) put in an ensemble award, they would have won it. People can debate whether women in fishnets going all "Cabaret" was provocative or set back the feminist movement. Who gives a crap? It was entertaining. I'm a feminist. Two of my closest friends are lesbians and one saw the Eve Ensler version. And you know what? They thought Ashley's was just as good, if not better.

And not knock to Ensler because I think she wrote a great play, but I still think the reason she shut down Ashley's LA production was because (gasp) her version was more accesible to the masses. And I'm all for an artist wanting to protect her work, but still, "why the hating Eve? Why? You'll still get your money. You let Cher do the dang Vagina Monologues. C'mon! It was time for something new. You've got a new play going anyway." But eh, this is what happens when you try to funk up someone's play when the playwrite is still living.

Honorable Mention: Angels In America
Um. I couldn't let you win everything no matter how much I loved you. Man, that's a good play.

Best Comedy: "Love, Sex, and the IRS"

Yeah, this was the comedy so good I ALMOST saw it twice. (I got busy reviewing other plays and never got to make it back.) This is also the play where I totally fell in love with Jason Gonzales. For weighing, like, 90 pounds, he's got gravitas. And Alana Peck, girl, you must have had bruises because she did the best pratfalls and was hilarioius. The set was funky. Roger Mathey did a great job directing. The audience really felt in on the action and next to "Visiting Mr. Green," I thought it was the BCT's best show.

Best Original or Adapted work: "Hatikvah," Hal Friedman

I'll let WOTS say on this speak for it: "Even Chris Page liked it!" That and nearly all of you who emailed thought this was the best. Hal actually took it out to LA this year, so another kudo to Hal.

Best Actor: John Patrick Wells as Prior, "Angels In America"

Honestly, this should be an award for both John and Brian Sivesind, but I had to pick one. Best show of the season and they were both great.

Honorable Mention: Doug Cheesman
When I was in the hospital this September to cheer myself up I'd think about Doug in white face singing, "Why are you sitting alone in your room? Come here the music play! Life is a Cabaret old chum. Come to the Cabaret."

Best Actress: Monique Gomez as The Witch, "Into the Woods"

Um, yeah. It's no secret. I think Monique is the best actress in town. So, yeah, if you want to go to battle with me on that -- BRING IT ON! She's one of the main reasons why I saw "Into the Woods" twice.

Honorable Mention: Jenny Hatzman
It was good to see Jenny in a difficult role that required her (finally) to do more than look cute. She was brilliant and if it weren't for my love of Monique in "Into the Woods" I would have gave this award to her.

Best Supporting Actor: Doug Cheesman as MC Lt. Kendrick, "A Few Good Men"

Scary! He was scary! And he was good. And I don't know why people didn't see this play. If they saw it, they'd know why he won.

Honorable Mention: Joe Cannon
Dude, you and Monique and the choreography were the only things I liked in "Jesus Christ Superstar" at The Spotlight. I'm not going to repeat what I said in the review. You all read it. You made the show, buddy. But Doug was good in a great show. You were good in a mediocre one. Gotta go with the good show.

Best Supporting Actress: Tracy Herda as Cybil, "The Altruists"

Yet again, WHY DID NO ONE SEE THIS? The play was hilarious and Tracy, well, I just didn't expect that from the girl I rent videos from at Blockbuster. Yeah Tracy!

Honorable Mention: Elisabeth Lepine
You're funny. You're really, really funny. You're like a Bugs Bunny cartoon on crack in "Much Ado About Nothing."

Best Actor in a Musical Performance: Ken Burdick as Sweeney Todd, "Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street"

Yeah. No brainer. Although I loved all the other nominees, Ken kicked ass as Sweeney Todd. He can sing, he was creepy, he gave the role depth and intense sorrow. Almost saw this show twice too. Still have the score stuck in my head.

Best Actress in a Musical Performance: Monique Gomez as The Witch, "Into the Woods"

OK. Don't make me have to repeat myself: BEST ACTRESS IN TOWN. I mean, she was the only thing I liked in "The Play that Shall Remain Nameless." So, yeah. Don't agree with me -- BRING IT ON!

Best Actor in a Comedic Performance: Jason Gonzales as Jon Trachtman, "Love, Sex, and the IRS"

Funny as hell. See best comedy for more.

Best Actress in a Comedic Performance: Rosie Ayala as Mauriel Tate, "Plaza Suite"

She too. FUNNY AS HELL! Loved her in Plaza Suite. Her spot in that Neil Simon play (and I'm biased agaisnt Neil Simon plays because, dare I say it, I hate them). So the fact that she was undeniably good in something by a writer I loathe says a lot.

Honorable mention: Alana Peck and Monique Gomez
Alana, great. You know why you're great. You were the personification of Three's Company in a bell bottom jumpsuit. As for Monique. I couldn't give you all the awards. Besides, you were in "The Play that Shall Remain Nameless." I'm sorry.

Breakthrough Performance: Mylum Nicholson, "The Songs For A New World"

Dude. Like, dude! Dude! I mean, "King of the World" I was like straight up crying like mad crazy when he broke out of those chains. Great performance for a dude who came out of nowhere. And "Steam Train?" When you did the "play on, pop ya collar" you had me and my sister rolling! I mean, you could have sang every song in "Songs For A New World" and that thing might have had a shot at best musical.

Honorable mention: The three women I nominated -- Guinevere Park-Hall, Julia Heatherwick and Colette Masla
Park-Hall reminded me of my best friend Michelle in "Stop Kiss" with her quirkiness, then touched me with her vulnerablitly. Julia, I laughed my ass off during your segement in "The Vaginas," and Colette, I'm telling you, I truly felt PHYSICAL PAIN when you read your monologue. I mean, I was hurting, it felt so real. This truly was the hardest catagory to pick from. I wanted you all to get Wordies. Hell, I might still give all of you Wordies. You all were THAT FRICKIN' GOOD!

Best Original Music: The score to "Spider Baby: The Musical" by Enrique Acosta, Brent Simms and Lorien Patton

They wrote their own score to a B-movie. A score. Not one song. Not background music. A full score with lyrics. I could not ignore this.

Best Music Orchestration/Production: "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat," Bakersfield Music Theatre

Did I ever mention how much I hate Andrew Lloyd Webber? I do. And I make jokes about this play. I do. But that was some DAMN GOOD orchestration. So the music and children's chorus? The bomb!

Best Duet/Solo Performance: "Agony," Ken Burdick and Greg Ramsdell for "Into the Woods" and "I Don't Care," Doug Cheesman for "Cabaret"

My first official tie because one: I am unashamed in my love for "Into the Woods" and two: I am unashamed in my love of Doug Cheesman's performance in Cabaret. Like, if Angels In America hadn't come out, you would have won best actor. That said, I loved his rendition of "I Don't Care" and pretty much every number he sang. As for "Agony," what can I tell you. I saw the play twice and that was one of the reason's why.

Honorable Mention: "King of the World," Mylum Nicholson
For reason, see "Breakthrough performance."

Best Choreographed Sequence for the Stage: The "Crucifixion" scene from "Jesus Christ Superstar," The Spotlight Theatre

Visual poetry. Enough said. My best friend who can sing the ENTIRE score of JC Superstar thought this was the best thing in the play and she hated the play.

Honorable Mention: The Death of Caesar
Actors going in slo-mo. Red lights to symbolize blood. You came "this close" to beating out "The Crucifixion."

Best Choreography: "Beauty and the Beast" (Brent Rochon and Sarah Giorgis)

Another hard choice. (God, were any of them easy?) But this won from how they handled the "Gaston" song and "Be Our Guest." It had to be hard coordinating all those spinning dishes, utensils and napkin rings, because it was beautiful, organized CHAOS.

Honorable Mention: "Jesus Christ Superstar" (Monique Gomez)
Next to the play "That Shall Remain Nameless," this had the best choreography. But to repeat myself, Monique, I can't give you all the awards.

Best Lighting: "A Few Good Men," The Spotlight Theater

Two words: vivsual POETRY.

Honorable Mention: "On the Verge"
Hated the play, loved the lighting!

Best Original Set Design: "Teatro Bizarro," Stars Theatre Restaurant

I saw them build it and the audience came. It was incredible. If you didn't see it I feel sorry for you because it was freakin' awesome.

Honorable Mention: "On the Verge," The Spotlight
Hated the play. Loved the Set! When the snow fell (because even though I disliked the material I loved the etherial quality of the backdrop and lighting) I was enthrawled.

Best Original Costuming/Makeup: Tie: "Cabaret" and "The Vagina Monologues," The Empty Space

Yeah. I really couldn't decide this one so I used the Magic 8 Ball.

So that's it. That's THE WORDIES folks. I'd also like to give awards to Phil N. Blank for Wussiest I Couldn't Use My Own Name Hater, but the HATER OF THE YEAR award goes to whoever went on that rant that was so psychotic it was funny. Plus he opens with my favorte quote from "Batman." That has to count for something.

• To quote: "You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts! Some guy complaining that the Empty Space uses all the same actors? How about Stars? All the same actors, over and over again... and most of tem couldn't act their way out of a paper bag. If that Philbrandt guy casts himself in anther one of his shows, God save us! Did anyone see a production at Bakersfield Community Theater last year?!? I guess not. So, I have to give this one to the Spotlight. Go, Spotlight, go."

• And more: "The show no one saw? Who cares? Maybe there is a good reason no one saw these shows. I didn't see nor had ever heard of The Altruists! So give it to them! I think I had a friend in it! "
  

• And then, it just got all weird and personal: "Who cares about supporting actors anyway?!? I'm not friends with any of those guys! And none of those women would give me the time of day! So don't give the supporting actors/actresses any props!"

• Capped off with: And this is my opinion and it should be LAW!

As Dave Chappelle would say, "Hate, hate, hate, hate!"

That's some serious hating. But I'm thinking this guy was joking, except when he got all weird and personal, and I'm saying he, because women hate in an ENTIRELY different manor. Plus he gribed about how the ladies wouldn't give him the time of day. So it's either a guy or the WORLD'S ANGRIEST LESBIAN. I don't know. But I'm going to dub him Hater McNasty!

Happy Wordies, ya'll and congrats on the winners!

So let's do this again. Go see plays, talk about it on the blog. It's all good.