How to annoy a reporter

So someone mailed me a copy of my Lord of the Dance article and took the time to point out all the few comma splices and what he/she felt were unnecessary words. Then suggested some reading for me.

As a reporter, I'm used to this. This happens all the time.

It's very annoying.

Sometimes I'm like "wow, I didn't see that, thanks." Other times I'm like, "Oh God, get a frickin' life! You're sitting around copy editing the paper, then wasting stamps on mailing it to me? How anal retentive is that?" Because you have to really, really care, I mean, really care to tell me that I had a comma splice. You have to cut out the article, put it in an envelope. Write a few smart-ass remarks and mail it. I mean, that takes effort. I want to say, dude, you churn out four to five stories a week on deadline. You be a copy editor for our paper and read all the local, wire and entertainment stories we put into this thing all day, everyday, then come to me about some comma splices.

To paraphrase Joe Pesci's Nicky Santoro in "Casino:" They want things to go smooth. I'm sorry. In my line of business things don't go smooth.

I care about accuracy in reporting, entertainment value, serving my readers and spelling. Criticizing my use of colloquialisms when that's my writing style, well, that's just silly. Has this person not read anything else I've written? I'm a total slang, colloquialism freak.

But long story short. Want to annoy a reporter? Tell them they had a comma splice after they spent days tracking down people, cross referencing names, dealing with all the hurry up and wait of reporting and trying to not miss your deadline.

Dude, our lives are a comma splice. I amazed that the sucker even gets printed everyday. That's like a miracle to me. I've been doing this for six years and I'm still surprised to see it sitting in its little newspaper box in the morning. I'm all like, "How did you get there, little newspaper! All that yelling and crying was really, really worth it after all! You're so beautiful!"