I Always Wanted to Be An Oscar Mayer Winner!
Johnny Depp and Prince Rogers Nelson go gangsta for their Oscar night duds!
And Marty gets the shaft ... AGAIN!
I wound up watching the last thirty minutes of the Oscars. I forgot it was on and then I didn't care, and then I thought, hey, maybe I'll see Johnny Depp because last year I had this totally great dream after the Oscars because I saw Johnny Depp in all his finness and it was a really, really, really good dream. No! Not that kind of dream, ye of dirty mind. He was in a tux. I was in a golden gown. We went ballroom dancing and it was FABULOUS!
Anyway, I got on just in time to see Prince, some Depp action and Marty continue the five time losing streak. Go Marty, go! Lose Marty, lose! My fear is Scorsese will make some film, some subpar film during a craptacular movie season and actually win an Oscar. Then, his heart racing from the irony and injustice of seeing his films lose to things like "Rocky" and "Dances With Wolves" the Italian-Americano with the film fortissmo will just keel right over and DIE while one of the Fembot Oscar bouncer chicks try to escort him off stage. Losing the Oscars is keeping Marty alive. Winning is keeping Clint Eastwood alive. It's a delicate balance, my friend.
Of course, I'm not a big fan of the Eastwood. I mean, don't get me wrong. I liked "Mystic River." Haven't seen "Million Dollar Baby." But I'm still burning over last year. Bill Murray was robbed. Sean Penn didn't need an Oscar. When is Bill Murray ever going to get another shot? I mean, Johnny Depp? He's only 40. He still looks like he's 22. He's got years if he so desires Oscar glory. "Lost In Translation" was it for Bill. No respect. No respect at all. I enjoyed though how homeboy didn't even pretend to act happy when he lost. He totally had the gas-face for the rest of the ceremony.
OK. And was I the only one who thought Hilary Swank's dress was trying to choke her? And why did all the presenters look like they were being held at gunpoint? Writer Charlie Kaufman explained why, nicely pointing out the giant clock staring them down, counting the seconds. I think that was the only thing I felt deserved what it got. Of course, I still think "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was the best film of the year, but hey, Morgan Freeman finally got an Oscar and Jaime Foxx didn't have to wait until he was the same age as Morgan Freeman to win. Halle Berry and Oprah looked nice. Don Cheadle looked sexy. And Jaime's daughter was so cute! Black people everywhere, play on, pop ya collar and get that dirt off your shoulder! WE WINNIN' OSCARS NOW!
Sorry. Let me set my irony meter back on low.
Ah. There we go. The bliss of not caring. I love the Matrix. It's warm and cuddly.
And Marty gets the shaft ... AGAIN!
I wound up watching the last thirty minutes of the Oscars. I forgot it was on and then I didn't care, and then I thought, hey, maybe I'll see Johnny Depp because last year I had this totally great dream after the Oscars because I saw Johnny Depp in all his finness and it was a really, really, really good dream. No! Not that kind of dream, ye of dirty mind. He was in a tux. I was in a golden gown. We went ballroom dancing and it was FABULOUS!
Anyway, I got on just in time to see Prince, some Depp action and Marty continue the five time losing streak. Go Marty, go! Lose Marty, lose! My fear is Scorsese will make some film, some subpar film during a craptacular movie season and actually win an Oscar. Then, his heart racing from the irony and injustice of seeing his films lose to things like "Rocky" and "Dances With Wolves" the Italian-Americano with the film fortissmo will just keel right over and DIE while one of the Fembot Oscar bouncer chicks try to escort him off stage. Losing the Oscars is keeping Marty alive. Winning is keeping Clint Eastwood alive. It's a delicate balance, my friend.
Of course, I'm not a big fan of the Eastwood. I mean, don't get me wrong. I liked "Mystic River." Haven't seen "Million Dollar Baby." But I'm still burning over last year. Bill Murray was robbed. Sean Penn didn't need an Oscar. When is Bill Murray ever going to get another shot? I mean, Johnny Depp? He's only 40. He still looks like he's 22. He's got years if he so desires Oscar glory. "Lost In Translation" was it for Bill. No respect. No respect at all. I enjoyed though how homeboy didn't even pretend to act happy when he lost. He totally had the gas-face for the rest of the ceremony.
OK. And was I the only one who thought Hilary Swank's dress was trying to choke her? And why did all the presenters look like they were being held at gunpoint? Writer Charlie Kaufman explained why, nicely pointing out the giant clock staring them down, counting the seconds. I think that was the only thing I felt deserved what it got. Of course, I still think "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" was the best film of the year, but hey, Morgan Freeman finally got an Oscar and Jaime Foxx didn't have to wait until he was the same age as Morgan Freeman to win. Halle Berry and Oprah looked nice. Don Cheadle looked sexy. And Jaime's daughter was so cute! Black people everywhere, play on, pop ya collar and get that dirt off your shoulder! WE WINNIN' OSCARS NOW!
Sorry. Let me set my irony meter back on low.
Ah. There we go. The bliss of not caring. I love the Matrix. It's warm and cuddly.
posted by Danielle Belton @ 6:03 PM
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