Everybody's Working for the Weekend, Pt. 5

SATURDAY NIGHT'S ALRIGHT (FOR SMOOCHING)

It's getting late have you seen my mates
Ma tell me when the boys get here
It's seven o'clock and I want to rock
Want to get a belly full of beer

Keeping with the beer keg theme of an already beer filled evening, I went to Xander's Grill Saturday night after seeing "Youthanasia" at the Empty Space. I was persuaded to go by Justin who made an amazing argument that mostly consisted of, "You're great! You have to come! There's a keg of beer that we need you to help drain!"

Hosted by the Brothers Runnels and Justin, Xander's did deliver on their keg, which was poured by a pretty, smiley-faced brunette. A matter of fact, everyone was pretty in Xander's. Like "LA" out-of-work actress pretty. I half expected them to hand out headshots with those beers. Even the hostess was this side of amazingly TV pretty. I wondered where they were filming the reality show.

Even the restaurant was pretty. It was like the whole thing was flown in from the Bay Area and set up in Bakersfield. Of course where Xander's is I thought they were opening a restaurant called "Lotus" a few months back. Maybe that fell through? Or maybe Xander's IS Lotus. Either way, their logo design really doesn't reflect on the poshity-posh-posh design of the restaurant with the gigantic pieces of commissioned abstract art and "Queer Eye for the Restaurant Guy" furniture.

My old man's drunker than a barrel full of monkeys
And my old lady she don't care
My sister looks cute in her braces and boots
A handful of grease in her hair

When I got there, there were two parties going. One, a fun looking, all hip hop birthday party downstairs in the bar area (which was all dark and blue and sleek-like) and the "Youthanasia" hoe-down upstairs. There was also a separate Rockin' Reggae Fest after party going for the folks at Posh (1517 20th St.), where the owner of the trendy boutique/salon was having dinner with her family and friends. They did a fashion show at the Rockin' Reggae Fest, where depending on who you ask the show was either great or not-so-great. I wasn't there (I made my choice. I chose movie.) so I can't tell you.

Anyway, I love the lady at Posh because she's so po-mo. She's the size of a Smurf and is so blonde and bubbly ... like a miniature Goldie Hawn.

A lot of people who are fake Bakersfield famous were there that night. Hal Friedman, who is now not leaving the Bako and staying to direct a film, was there along with most of the cast of "Big, The Musical." He came in with Roger Mathey, Kelly Sorrow and Justin Brooks. For those who don't know — Hal's a great director who used to work for the Spotlight Theatre. He wrote the play "Hatikvah" which went to LA last summer. He's also a song and dance man. Roger is friends with Hal and is also a great director. He has Hal's old job at the Spotlight and directed an award-winning production of "Trainspotting" in LA awhile back and put on a great rendition of Kevin Smith's "Clerks" that was shut down two weeks after opening by Smith's attorneys. Never mind the thing was freakin' genius, but que sera sera.

Justin, the star of "Youthanasia," was in Roger's production of "Trainspotting" and got nominated for a best actor award out of it. And that's how the Runnels met Roger because they saw that production and talked to him about wanting to cast Justin in their film.

Justin Brooks is a local actor who recently starred in "Blood Brothers." (He was the rich one.) And Kelly was in that-play-that-shall-remain-nameless, a featured model in a fashion shoot we did over a year ago and is a skilled dancer and actress.

So now you know everyone I know. Hal's sweetly dramatic (Like Charlie Brown). Roger's sarcastic. Kelly's that rare person who pulls off both "bubbly" and "intense" at the same time. Like you already can't help but look at her because she's "TV pretty," but then there something super intense about her, like she's the one cheerleader who might actually stab you if you make the team instead of her. Not that she would actually do that, because I don't think Kelly is homicidal, but she has the intense look of a murderous cheerleader, which I think is pretty neat because it totally works in a Reese Witherspoon in "Election" sort of way.

Justin Brooks, well, I don't know Justin B. well enough to describe him with any justice and I don't want to say "nice" because he deserves a descriptive turn of phrase like everyone else. Justin B.? You look like you could be "snarky," so I dub you snarky-guy-who-really-cares. For instance, you look like someone who would have something snarky to say, but then would genuinely care, for example, like if Lindsey Lohan really does have a cocaine problem, you wouldn't laugh because it's not really funny. But then you'd say, "But coke or no, that heifer still needs to eat a sandwich! Does cocaine make you allergic to the sandwiches?" You look like that guy. I could be wrong.

My review for "Big, The Musical" had just come out that week, so naturally, this was the issue of the evening that was discussed. Hal told me he did not want to do that dance that I mentioned in my review. Hal has an ill-advised solo dance number in "Big, The Musical" that I described as "a shade ridiculous."

"I didn't want to do it!" he said in all exclamation points jokingly! "Now I'm going to think about that every time I go out there!"

I love Hal. He speaks in exclamation points sometimes.

Don't give us none of your aggravation
We had it with your discipline
Saturday night's alright for fighting
Get a little action in

Get about as oiled as a diesel train
Gonna set this dance alight
`Cause Saturday night's the night I like
Saturday night's alright alright alright

At Xander's I was surprised and happy to see that the DJ was none other than Gigantic Vintage's AJ and his friend/bandmate Mike. AJ is skinny and mod and Mike is partial to body building and together they are extremely DeLorean, with AJ's throwback, 1970s Daryl Hall of Hall & Oates thing going on and man-child Mike looking like a jock even though he's not quite a jock, even though he kind of is. Together, they're a soup of sexy but it's a strange one. Like that burger at Red Robin with the pineapple on it that actually highly enjoyable. Or Mark Wahlberg in "Rock Star."

AJ and Mike are starting a band. Something psychedelic I believe. AJ, who's partial to British Mod culture and Catholic iconography, was his usual sly, snarky self. While Mike was his usual goofy self, with his blonde hair presently dyed black. Although he primarily played 80s punk and New Wave, AJ would occasionally punish everyone with a fluffy bit of 80s pop which, of course, is Dexy's Midnight Runners "C'mon Eileen."

I had three drinks in myself at this point, so I was having a delightful, hair-swinging, finger-popping, half-listening to conversations good time. Mike kept telling me he was glad I was dancing and other people kept telling me it was cool I was dancing and they wanted to dance, but were too self conscious to dance. So in retrospect I'm wondering — did I totally pull an "Elaine Benes" at the party? Did I look like I needed medical help with my furious head bob?

Well they're packed pretty tight in here tonight
I'm looking for a dolly who'll see me right
I may use a little muscle to get what I need
I may sink a little drink and shout out "She's with me!"

As the party wound down, I kept trying to find excuses to leave, but kept getting sucked into conversations I naturally, wanted to be sucked in. I like to talk. I like to listen to other people talking. And everyone kept saying just nice things to me. "I love your hair!" "I love the DeLorean T-shirt!" "I loved the article!" and since I'd had four beers at this point, I'd completely lost that part of me that won't let me accept praise. Sure, I smile and nod like I'm accepting your praise, Bakersfield. But when I'm sober what I'm really thinking is, "You think I'm a dork." Never mind you just said you wanted to have my babies or you're trying to drunkenly make-out with me. I'm thinking, "I have negative $3 in my checking account and I shop at Target. Why are you even talking to me?"

I had a guy volunteer to be my "friend." He was ... not my type. After I kept giving him the universal "NOT INTERESTED" symbol he got the point.

"You don't look like you're looking for a friend," he cooed in what I can only describe as the gayest gay black guy voice ever. What does the gayest gay black guy voice sound like? Well, it's hard to tell since the voice really has nothing to do with actual homosexuality or race, but involves lots of helium and slang.

"No. I'm not," I said.

And then he scurried away.

A couple of the sound that I really like
Are the sounds of a switchblade and a motorbike
I'm a juvenile product of the working class
Whose best friend floats in the bottom of a glass

The high point of the evening (for me personally) was dancing to Violent Femme's "Blister In the Sun" and being playfully smooched repeatedly by an extremely happy/tipsy Justin Zachary. In all fairness, once I realized he was giving out free kisses I basically jumped in the line of fire, but c'mon. I have nothing. Let me have this.

It was a natural progression. We went from shaking hands to hugging to a kiss on the cheek to "we're best friends!" kiss on the lips in a four hour span. Of course my motives were duplicitous, but then I'm the girl who does nothing, so the duplicity consisted of using this as fodder to write about. I mean, I was slightly inebriated and all giggly and all I could think about was "I have to put this in the BLOG! I'm TOTALLY WRITING ABOUT THIS!"

The incident made me think of how every time I saw Robert Spinzo he became more affectionate just because he was one of those SUPER affectionate people, that by the third time I met him we'd moved to wet sloppy kiss-on-the-cheek status and I wondered, "What next on the fourth meeting? Frenching?"

But for some reason something about me says, "I'm huggable!" And ... well, it's true. But I'm not going to start kissing you all "hello and good-bye, Bakersfield" because I'm the sort of woman who adapts to how you look to do your greetings! If you shake hands, I'll shake your hand. If you hug, I'll hug you back. If you kiss on the cheek, I'll kiss you back. If you're going to kiss me playfully on the lips? Well, be pretty or charming or buy me some damn dinner first because I might slap you.

I mean, really. I'll totally knee you in the groin. It's not that kind of party.

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Dude, if you didn't know those song lyrics, that's sad. It's totally "Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)" by Elton John.