Whoa Nelly!
I went to see Nelly (and T.I. and Fat Joe) Wednesday night while undergoing an existential crisis (one of those, "I have no life, moments." "I'm 27 and single." "I have credit card debt out the ying-yang." "Why am I here?" You know, one of those moments). I was there to write a review of the show. Naturally, I couldn't put everything I saw in my review, which ran last week. So here are notes, fluidly from my brain (sans naughty curse words) to my notebook to my blog.
I dub thee: "ANGST UNFILTERED: The Nelly Concert
THE PARADE OF NOBODIES, 7:35 p.m.
The concert opens with some guy (the Unknown Rapper), some other guy (the Unknown Hypeman) and another guy (Mr. Free Ride.) They are performing in front of a black curtain and a banner that says "T.I.: Urban Legend." It took me several minutes to realize neither of these three guys were T.I. and that they were just part of the unending PARADE OF NOBODIES who went on before T.I., Fat Joe and Nelly. They have no album. They have no single. They don't even have a six-pack in some cases and they're all performing in front of a black curtain hitting poses that Kool Moe Dee won't even do anymore. Let the rant begin ...
7:36 p.m., Wow, a spotlight. Thrilling.
7:56 p.m., Someone sparks up the weed. Thanks. Now I'm going to have a headache for the rest of the night!
7:58 p.m., Note to The Unknown Rapper: Get a band like LL, some dancing hoochies or a six pack becomes underwhelmed, thy name is The Unknown Rapper.
8 p.m., Unknown Rapper is done. New Unknown Rapper(s) enters. A pair, no hype man. No random guy.
8:05 p.m., A Latino kid refers to his friend as "That's my n***a." God, Aaron McGruder is right and I'm getting a T-shirt that says just that.
8:10 p.m., Duo from Nelly's label now doing Snoop's "Drop It Like It's Hot," a song I like, but not by nobodies. It's rap karaoke! Rapaoke!
8:11 p.m., "Derrty E-N-T! We all we got!" (This was shouted over and over by Nelly's people) This is humorous because what black kid who grew up as a child of the 1990s doesn't recognize Allen Payne's lie from "New Jack City?"
"CMB! We all we got," then all sad and reverently, "Am I my brother's keeper?" Then Wesley Snipes says "I am" and shoots Allen Payne in the only moment of genuine acting in the whole film. But then these kids have never seen New Jack City, thus depressing me.
8:15 p.m., Chocolate Tie (or Chocolati or, who knows? They didn't say how she spelled it.), who has on jeans, red leg warmers and metallic sandals, enters.
8:16 p.m., Everyone leaves.
8:17 p.m., Just once I'd like to see someone come out in a 3-piece suit with bling all crazy, dressed up like he's going in for a court date wearing all-white throwback Nikes with the fat laces and comes out doing the damn Robot.
8:18 p.m., God. I'm the old lady at the Nelly concert.
8:20 p.m., "Whirlwind" is being performed. Suddenly have the urge to watch "Fear of a Black Hat."
8:25 p.m., Parade of losers ends.
TI JUST CALLED YOU A HO, LADY. NOT LIKE YOU NOTICED OR ANYTHING: the real opening acts.
T.I.
8:40 p.m., T.I. comes out with his crew. Who are these brothers? Are they going to do the robot? What the ...? What is the purpose of all these brothers? Can we fire six brothers and hire some big booty dancers in tennis skirts with Polaroid cameras? UNDERwhelmed!
Rapping is really a sport. Unless there is a battle rhyme going on you're like, "Why am I watching the Dallas Mavericks practice running drills?" Where are the pyrotechnics and the strippers? I want Cristal and a Cadillac driven out on the stage!
8:50 p.m., Existential crisis — I never thought I'd say this but, I WANNA SEE NELLY! Get off the stage!
8:55 p.m., T.I. asks, "Is there a stone cold freak in the mother (freakin'!) house?" Countless ladies scream.
8:58 p.m., Realize beer would improve this situation greatly.
9 p.m., Do these women realize he's called them all hoes, like, a thousand times?
9:01 p.m., T.I. has progressively lost more and more clothes. In the last 30 minutes T.I. has lost —
#1. A light blue "Italia" pull over.
#2. A white T-shirt
#3. Now working on losing the wife beater
Don't let the beater win, T.I.! You didn't spend all those hours at the gym for nothing.
9:03 p.m., T.I. finally loses battle versus shirt.
9:05 p.m., T.I. finishes his set. Lady in red behind me policing the front row for us, cursing out anyone who stands up, all in the way. Lady is my hero. Shouts, "I wanna see NELLY!" Me too.
FAT JOE
9:10 p.m., Fat Joe comes out with his crew and a dude is here with a "Fat Joe" poster on a stick. Fat Joe, you couldn't afford some hoochies? Some pyrotechnics? Some anything but just you and your running crew?
9:30 p.m. Fat Joe gives his shout-out to dead rappers and repeatedly shouts either "You know the (stuff) is in the Lord" or "You know the (stuff) is in the law." I'm going with Lord.
9:40 p.m., Fat Joe ends. Cher gave The Village People more time.
NELLY ... FINALLY
10 p.m., "Air Force Ones." Bling is out of control. Still, no dancing heifers.
10:09 p.m., Finally, the girls show up. Nelly, I was seriously starting to wonder. They're in denim overall skirts and pink Chucks. They're like hip hop cheerleaders. I think I saw that dance routine at the Hazelwood East High/East St. Louis game in 1996 back in Busch Stadium.
10:15 p.m., Nelly pimps some guy from Atlanta who has sweatbands on his wrists, neck and head. He looks like Oglethorpe.
10:17 p.m., Another Derrty ENT guy. Who are you? Why are you not Nelly? Do I know that dude? He's singing a ballad, all "I love you. I still want you in my life." Dude has a crazy ponytail that makes him look like "My Little Rapper."
10:34 p.m., Nelly sez, "Don't be scurred now," (But I am scurred, Nelly. Very scurred.) as he takes us to "My Place," and why is Nelly singing? I never thought I'd say this but, where's the Unknown Rapper?
Just kidding, Nelly. You know I love you. But not really. But I do, in that way that Jesus loves everybody.
I dub thee: "ANGST UNFILTERED: The Nelly Concert
THE PARADE OF NOBODIES, 7:35 p.m.
The concert opens with some guy (the Unknown Rapper), some other guy (the Unknown Hypeman) and another guy (Mr. Free Ride.) They are performing in front of a black curtain and a banner that says "T.I.: Urban Legend." It took me several minutes to realize neither of these three guys were T.I. and that they were just part of the unending PARADE OF NOBODIES who went on before T.I., Fat Joe and Nelly. They have no album. They have no single. They don't even have a six-pack in some cases and they're all performing in front of a black curtain hitting poses that Kool Moe Dee won't even do anymore. Let the rant begin ...
7:36 p.m., Wow, a spotlight. Thrilling.
7:56 p.m., Someone sparks up the weed. Thanks. Now I'm going to have a headache for the rest of the night!
7:58 p.m., Note to The Unknown Rapper: Get a band like LL, some dancing hoochies or a six pack becomes underwhelmed, thy name is The Unknown Rapper.
8 p.m., Unknown Rapper is done. New Unknown Rapper(s) enters. A pair, no hype man. No random guy.
8:05 p.m., A Latino kid refers to his friend as "That's my n***a." God, Aaron McGruder is right and I'm getting a T-shirt that says just that.
8:10 p.m., Duo from Nelly's label now doing Snoop's "Drop It Like It's Hot," a song I like, but not by nobodies. It's rap karaoke! Rapaoke!
8:11 p.m., "Derrty E-N-T! We all we got!" (This was shouted over and over by Nelly's people) This is humorous because what black kid who grew up as a child of the 1990s doesn't recognize Allen Payne's lie from "New Jack City?"
"CMB! We all we got," then all sad and reverently, "Am I my brother's keeper?" Then Wesley Snipes says "I am" and shoots Allen Payne in the only moment of genuine acting in the whole film. But then these kids have never seen New Jack City, thus depressing me.
8:15 p.m., Chocolate Tie (or Chocolati or, who knows? They didn't say how she spelled it.), who has on jeans, red leg warmers and metallic sandals, enters.
8:16 p.m., Everyone leaves.
8:17 p.m., Just once I'd like to see someone come out in a 3-piece suit with bling all crazy, dressed up like he's going in for a court date wearing all-white throwback Nikes with the fat laces and comes out doing the damn Robot.
8:18 p.m., God. I'm the old lady at the Nelly concert.
8:20 p.m., "Whirlwind" is being performed. Suddenly have the urge to watch "Fear of a Black Hat."
8:25 p.m., Parade of losers ends.
TI JUST CALLED YOU A HO, LADY. NOT LIKE YOU NOTICED OR ANYTHING: the real opening acts.
T.I.
8:40 p.m., T.I. comes out with his crew. Who are these brothers? Are they going to do the robot? What the ...? What is the purpose of all these brothers? Can we fire six brothers and hire some big booty dancers in tennis skirts with Polaroid cameras? UNDERwhelmed!
Rapping is really a sport. Unless there is a battle rhyme going on you're like, "Why am I watching the Dallas Mavericks practice running drills?" Where are the pyrotechnics and the strippers? I want Cristal and a Cadillac driven out on the stage!
8:50 p.m., Existential crisis — I never thought I'd say this but, I WANNA SEE NELLY! Get off the stage!
8:55 p.m., T.I. asks, "Is there a stone cold freak in the mother (freakin'!) house?" Countless ladies scream.
8:58 p.m., Realize beer would improve this situation greatly.
9 p.m., Do these women realize he's called them all hoes, like, a thousand times?
9:01 p.m., T.I. has progressively lost more and more clothes. In the last 30 minutes T.I. has lost —
#1. A light blue "Italia" pull over.
#2. A white T-shirt
#3. Now working on losing the wife beater
Don't let the beater win, T.I.! You didn't spend all those hours at the gym for nothing.
9:03 p.m., T.I. finally loses battle versus shirt.
9:05 p.m., T.I. finishes his set. Lady in red behind me policing the front row for us, cursing out anyone who stands up, all in the way. Lady is my hero. Shouts, "I wanna see NELLY!" Me too.
FAT JOE
9:10 p.m., Fat Joe comes out with his crew and a dude is here with a "Fat Joe" poster on a stick. Fat Joe, you couldn't afford some hoochies? Some pyrotechnics? Some anything but just you and your running crew?
9:30 p.m. Fat Joe gives his shout-out to dead rappers and repeatedly shouts either "You know the (stuff) is in the Lord" or "You know the (stuff) is in the law." I'm going with Lord.
9:40 p.m., Fat Joe ends. Cher gave The Village People more time.
NELLY ... FINALLY
10 p.m., "Air Force Ones." Bling is out of control. Still, no dancing heifers.
10:09 p.m., Finally, the girls show up. Nelly, I was seriously starting to wonder. They're in denim overall skirts and pink Chucks. They're like hip hop cheerleaders. I think I saw that dance routine at the Hazelwood East High/East St. Louis game in 1996 back in Busch Stadium.
10:15 p.m., Nelly pimps some guy from Atlanta who has sweatbands on his wrists, neck and head. He looks like Oglethorpe.
10:17 p.m., Another Derrty ENT guy. Who are you? Why are you not Nelly? Do I know that dude? He's singing a ballad, all "I love you. I still want you in my life." Dude has a crazy ponytail that makes him look like "My Little Rapper."
10:34 p.m., Nelly sez, "Don't be scurred now," (But I am scurred, Nelly. Very scurred.) as he takes us to "My Place," and why is Nelly singing? I never thought I'd say this but, where's the Unknown Rapper?
Just kidding, Nelly. You know I love you. But not really. But I do, in that way that Jesus loves everybody.
12 Comments:
At 4:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
Yo waaddup. Mizz B be representin' to her peeps. You don't get paid to do this do you?
How about pager # and linx to some hot pix......keepin' it real...
one word, lil' B: vomit
At 2:18 PM,
Anonymous said…
I WENT TO THAT CONCERT TOO! IT WAS CRAZY!!
At 2:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
I went to that Nelly, t.i., and fat joe concert in bakersfield it was of the hook I was in front row
oh yes baby!! but some people would get in my way just push them :)haha
At 2:22 PM,
Unknown said…
I want to read the actual review you wrote for the paper. You have to realize that Derrty Ent's nobodies are somebodies in other's eyes and you should refrain from unleashing hurtful diatribes of sort. If you would like some music or bio information on the unheard of rappers feel free to contact Derrty ENT. at www.derrtyent.com.
At 10:13 AM,
Unknown said…
In response to anonymous going off session, for one I don't know why people put gold teeth in their mouths, personal decision, I guess. I was born and raised in South St. Louis and a lot of my childhood friends have gold teeth, but it don't make them thugs or niggas, or anything. Anonymous said she is a black woman, and she feels like, thugged out rappers are street niggas up to no good and making babies. Lighthen up lady, and live YOUR life and stay clear of the 'hood near you.
At 1:46 PM,
Anonymous said…
HERE'S A SMALL PICTURE OF WHAT YOU CRACK BABIES ARE DOING TO OUR NEIGHBORHOODS OUT OF YOUR MOMMA'S HOUSE!
_________________
Places we are currently getting calls about - New Items are bolded
8X 3768 Ruby St - "Sonny" selling from inside - Burgundy sedan involved
8X 3824 Webster - Hiding drugs in back yard of vacant house
9X 127 Bayo Vista #306 - Drug activity?
10X 54 & Lowell with nexus to 956 and 957 54th St., heavy from 4-7pm
10X 5501 Gaskill - Michael "Doobey" Ford is selling IFO
10X 5509 Gaskill - FB 18-20 involved in drug activity there
10X 5600 BLK Gaskill - Heavy dealing from 4-8 pm.
10X 5600 Gaskill - Antwoine Adgers PFN # BCH 665 dealing at 55/56 & Gaskill
10X 1006 56th Street
10X 1051 56th St - Drug activity IFO this house
10X 5938 Vallejo St - Drug activity in the rear cottage.
10X 894 Arlington Avenue
10X 975 Arlington Avenue - 3 MB selling in the street
10X Arlington & Los Angeles - Dealing from noon to 4pm - sometimes later
10X 865 59th St - Young MBs are dealing drugs while acting like they are repairing cars
10X 1000 BLK 62nd St
10X 1081 67th St
10X 6300 BLK Idaho St - Guy in white t-shirt and "curls" selling on the block.
10X 6445 Essex St - Lots of suspicious foot traffic
10X 1000 BLK 62nd St
10X 1206 62nd St - Selling in a shack out back
10X 1015 63rd St
10X 1037 63rd St - Drug dealer lives with mom/sells in the block
10X 1035 63rd St - Heavy dealing on the street by young guys- tenant upstairs (Yasmin)involved - nexus to OHA at 1039 63rd St. Using a white van in the area
10X 1061-1065 63rd St - Drug dealing IFO
10Y 650 BLK 43rd St.
10Y 725 44th St - "Q" is selling marijuana and cough syrup
10Y 4400 BLK Market A white van # 1MOL 617 involved in drug activity on 44-46 in the afternoons
10Y 4600 Linden St. 0 MB 35 6'bald, dealing drugs at corner
10Y 842 53rd St - Drugs sold out of lower, rear apartment by Terry/Allen. Connected to other address (845 53rd) where drugs are sold from the porch.
10Y 884 57th St 2 MB dealing drugs here
10Y 880 61st St - Andre and Rodney dealing drugs?
10Y 5417 Market St - Rear Unit
10Y 5619 Market St., #A - Lawrence dealing from #A
10Y 5931 Herzog St - Drugs & prostitution
10Y 6037 Occidental St - Drugs being stashed in bushes next to commericail building.
10Y 4514 Linden St
11X Dover & 53rd
11X Dover & 62nd St. Increased drug activity in the area
11X 666 53rd St - Drug activity picking up at OHA property
11X 678 53rd St - Drug activity involving a white Olds Cutlass, #4 EOP 769.
11X 54 & MLK Way - 3 MBs are storing money or drugs in a blue/tan station wagon #4 AGZ 400
11X 747 54th St - Dealing on block associated with brown S/W # 1 R09071
11X 5643 Telegraph Ave - Men and women dealing drugs day and night
11X 647 57th St - Chappellee and friends are smoking weed
11X 55th & Shattuck - Young kids dealing drugs while pretending to wait for the bus
11X 59 & Shattuck - Drug dealing nexus to Klipper's Barber shop
11X 5936 MacCall - Dion Overstreet stashing drugs in backyard
11X 588 59th St - Drug dealing in the rear of apartment building.
11X 661 61st St - Young MBs dealing here
11X 672 61st St - Tenant at this address buying drugs from cars pulling up infront?
11X 5942MacCall - Drug Activity on the block, possible nexus to "Dion" at 5942.
11X 762 Alcatraz Ave
11X AM/PM Telephone at Alcatraz & Telegraph
11X 5957 Shattuck Ave - growing and selling marijuana here
11X 6330 Shatuck Ave - MB 6'4" 200 dealing nearby
11X 6330 Shattuck Ave - MB Tall dealing at corner
11X 6334 Shattuck Ave - Drug activity
11X 6336 Shattuck Ave - Tall older MB dealign for about 1 year
11X 6400 Shattuck Ave - MB Fat dealing drugs & weapons at 2am
11X 6400 Shattuck AVe - Old fat guy selling drugs Alcatraz & Shattuck
11X 6501 Telegraph (doorway) late at night
12X 522 44th St
12X 45 & Tel (McDonalds) - Tony dealing drugs from 1-4 pm
12Y 450 Alcatraz #16 - lots of foot traffic in evenings
12Y 300 Block of Alcatraz - David H. dealing drugs in a green Buick. Lives upstairs in an apartment in the 300 BLK of Alcatraz.
13Y 11076 Broadway Terrace. Mark Askins is growing marijuana
Recent Drug Arrests - Details Pending
19 Jul/5:21 PM @ 350 Hawthorne St.,(8X)Poss controlled sub - 0541705
15 Jul/7:36 PM @ 450 W. Mac Arthur(8X) Poss controlled sub - 05-40886
15 Jul/7:00 PM @ 1271 Ocean Ave (10X) Poss of rock cocaine for sales - 05-40876
14 Jul/7:15 PM @ 1062 63rd St., (10X) Poss of marijuana for sales - 05-40685
14 Jul/4:30 PM @ 63 & Shattuck (11X) Poss of controlled sub - 05-40669
14 Jul/3:17 PM @ 2300 Northgate (8X) Poss controlled sub - 05-40656
13 Jul/6:50 PM @ 5400 San Pablo Ave (10X) Prostitution - 05-40388
13 Jul/7:40 PM @ 450 W. Mac Arthur (8X) Poss controlled sub - 05040400
12 Jul/4:00 PM @ 5900 Marshall (10X) Poss of rock cocaine for sales - 05-40075
10 Jul/9:00 AM @ 6000 San Pablo Ave (10X) Drug Influence - 05-39568
10 Jul/8:14 AM @ 6000 San Pablo Ave (10X) Drug Influence - 05-39568
8 Jul/9:00 PM @ 4140 Broadway #105 (9X) Poss of controlled sub - 05-39405
5 Jul/7:49 PM @ 6500 San Pablo Ave (10X) Prostitution - 05-38644
5 Jul/7:30 PM @ 6500 San Pablo Ave (10X) Prostitution - 05-38643
5 Jul/7:30 PM @ 6500 San Pablo Ave (10X) Prostitution - 05-38642
10X On 6 Jul (Wed) at 3:50 PM, CRT-2 Officers Foreman and Leonis conducted a narcotics investigation IFO 1033 63rd St., and and subsequently arrested Damon Roberts MB 24 of 1052 65th St.,., for possession of rock cocaine for sales. Roberts had 5 pieces of rock cocaine in his mouth when contacted by police. Roberts is on probation and parole and had both violated. Officers also arrested Deontae Dansby MB 18 of 1063 59th St., for a drug warrant. 05-38787
8X On 5 Jul (Tue) at 5:00 PM, 3rd Watch Officer James Anderson (the big guy you see standing in north end zone at Raider's games) arrested Checobe Pettway MB 32 of 1327 66th Ave.,., for possession of stolen propety and 3 pieces of rock cocaine. 2 guys had been skateboarding at Mac Arthur BART and put their phones down on a ledge and the phones (surprise)disappeared. They called one of the numbers and Checobe offered to sell them their phones back IFO Kaiser ER. One of the victims called his phone again (while at Kaiser ER) and saw Checobe answer the phone. Victims pointed out Checobe to security who detained him for OPD.05-38646
At 9:15 AM,
Anonymous said…
nelly deerty dats gd wat u do i lik ur songs specialy hot in herre
na-na-na errtime flap your wings
continu..............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At 9:28 AM,
Anonymous said…
Nelly, said speak english.
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At 3:02 PM,
Anonymous said…
When I need to say something, I wanna say it strongly. Also this is who I am and if you don't like what you hear, then my advice is to go on to another website. If you don't like what I write it is your problem, not mine. I am really convinced about what I thinkit is real. Part of myself is really afraid and preoccupaid about cash spent on it but by the other way couldn't care less. Unluckily, my boyfriend is not the same. Please, send positive vibrations, do a magic ritual what ever to send the positive vibrations this way and keep things this way. I have the echo in my hears bitching about [url=http://www.
soundlabs.info/sitemap4.html]ringtones music[/url] exploding in my head, and how says he's going to hate another insignificant evening. Unfortunately, it was also true. Barbara and I were going through a short-lived period of being an happy couple when he asked an inoffensive enough question. Fair enough.
Thanks
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