Rent-a-wreck

Rented a wreck this weekend from the nice folks at "Rent-A-Wreck." Sweet people. Very helpful.

My 2000 Mazda Protege was on the fritz and for two days I got to coast around town in a lush, ocean-liner most know as a 1997 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. She may not be the prettiest ship in the fleet, but she made up for it with her pimp-like smooth ride. It was like gliding on air.

I spent the weekend in it, tooling it around town with my sister riding shotgun. Me slurping a large strawberry-banana smoothie, leaning to the right while  listening to 99.3 FM (because all the car had was a tape deck). And they were playing War, which you folks play a lot here in California. I mean, in St. Louis you will never hear a song by War, but here we were, cruising down Golden State Highway listening to "The World Is A Ghetto." (Which is actually my favorite War song. Very apt criticism of urban life and the depression that comes with it.)

I felt very much like a pimp, but not in the objectification/subjucation of women variety. More like that bland, all-encompassing hip hop version that took the once dirty word and sanitized it for mass consumption.

The Rent-A-Wreck mobile was so great, that I was actually sad to turn it in for my perpetually messy Mazda, which had the faint smell of cat pee. After all, the Cutlass, despite being a total grandma car, smelled lovely and was all clean and pleasant, not funky with the odor of living. So I spent an hour Monday afternoon at the "cop" car wash on 24th Street getting my car detailed.

My sister and I discussed the play she's working on (Spotlight's "Ziggurat"), real estate ads that feature cartoons of homes as opposed to pictures of the actual site and the large number of police officers, sheriff's deputies, CHP patrolmen and government officials were there getting their cars clean. Even district attorney Ed Jagels was there getting his car cleaned (and his shoes shined.) I don't really know the man. After all, we travel in entirely different circles -- me with my local bands and thespians and him prosecuting criminal suspects.

So now my car's undeniably shiny and clean and that's great. It smells all car shampoo fresh and it looks like they got up the remaining glass from that time my windows got broken out. It's all good I guess. But I still sort of, kind of, miss the Cutlass. You can't really be a pimp in a Protege, unless it's a tricked out Protege, which looks like a bastardized tricked out Honda Civic when you trick it out. I mean, if I'm going to be all chilly I can't do the thing wrong.

Oh well, guess I'm settling for being square.

This Weekend

So many things going on this weekend. So many things to do. Of course, I won't be doing ANY OF THEM since my car died late last night. I was getting ready to go pick up my little sis Deidre from work when the car went DOA, not even starting, making a little "veet" sound as the engine didn't even start, just sort of rapidly petering out in the most curt manor possible.

* With car now sick and hanging out at the repair shop I'm pouting because I'm going to miss out on Street Rock this weekend at the Kern County Fairgrounds. I love breakers. I mean, I really, REALLY, REALLY love me some b-boys. Like in a big way. I love them almost as much as I love Johnny Depp and anyone who knows me well, Johnny Depp is basically my number one obsession (next to cartoonist Aaron McGruder, Antonio Banderas and Dewars peppermint ice cream.) B-boys are just wonderful people. Period. So everyone, have fun at Street Rock without me. Show a b-boy some love and tell 'em Danielle sent you.

* "Ziggurat" is opening at The Spotlight this weekend. "Cabaret" is continuing at The Empty Space. So is "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum" at Stars and "Dr. Dolittle" is at Bakersfield Community Theatre. Also check out The Empty Space's late night offering, a collegiate take on "The Odd Couple."

* I'm planning on going to the movies this weekend, car or no car. I can't live without the movies. I want to see "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle." Being from the midwest, I have a fondness for those hamburgers whom most non-midwesterners would find utterly disgusting. Plus, I'm an avid supporter of minorities who are rarely represented in films. Hmmmm, when was the last time I saw a sophomoric comedy starring a Chinese American and an Indian American. Hmmm, oh yeah. Never. I saw a drama a year ago, "Better Luck Tomorrow," which I enjoyed because lead actor Parry Shen reminded me of a young, handsome Allen Payne (star of "Jason's Lyric" and "New Jack City.") The film is essentially a mix of "Less Than Zero" meets "Juice."

As for "Harold and Kumar," I first heard about it well over a year ago through this blog. I love both ridiculous comedies and serious drama, camp and action. I'm mostly excited about this because Doogie Howser is in it. (Is it just me or is Neil Patrick Harris like a really great name for an assassin or a murderer? John Wilkes Booth. John Allen Muhammad. Lee Harvey Oswald. John Wayne Gacy. Mark David Chapman. James Earl Ray. Lee Boyd Malvo. Harris actually plays an assassin in Stephen Sondheim's musical "Assassins.")

* Rotten Tomatoes is finding Pitof's "Catwoman" extra-stinky. Like kitty litter. It's opening this weekend and I hope that it will at least become camp for some people, like "Showgirls" perhaps. If not, well, I'm sure someone will enjoy the S&M undertones and bad girl action. I won't. But someone. Maybe.

My Big Sister

As some of you may be well aware, I am the middle child of two sisters, neither are internet nerds. For them, cyberspace is this thing where you order cheap plane tickets, e-mail people and play solitaire.

Deidre, my younger sister, is much more internet savvy as at least she's got her own thing going on at Blackplanet.com and used to be an avid chat room chatter before she got bored of the whole thing.But my big sis Denise, despite her engineering creditials, is all "Commodore 64" when it comes to the internet.

Peep her following email to me over "Danielle Belton Online."

Denise: "I saw your webpage...are you the only one that posts anything on it??? And what is a BLOG?? Or is it just the name of the domain that holds your web site?  It is such a pink website. I didn't know you really like pink. You know I would have picked a different color. But it was cool....I think is it is...as in Daddy's word....neat!  How long did it take for you to set it up?  I am SOOO web illiterate."

I shot her back an email and got her hip to the game. Now she's all chilly on the subject.

Woe is me

It's inevitable. All the Eye Street and newsroom reporters have to take turns working the weekend reporting shifts (for that news that takes place Saturday thru Sunday.) It's unpleasant, but someone has to do it. This Saturday morning is my Saturday morning to bite the bullet and suffer through, hoping that nothing burns down, no one drowns and no one gets shot on my watch because, Lord knows, I don't want to write about it.

Although I enjoy covering breaking news from time-to-time I could never be a full-on police reporter. (Although I enjoy being friends with the police reporter — they always have the BEST stories.) But writing about car accidents and crimes get depressing. Next thing you know you're having anxiety attacks every time you drive on the highway and you've got 15 locks on your door. Of course, I'm only speaking for myself, but crime reporting makes me want to scream at people. Scream things like "STOP BEATING YOUR KIDS!" and "PUT ON YOUR FRICKIN' SEAT BELT!" Or "PUT DOWN THAT CRACK PIPE!"

But alas, you can't make people stop injuring themselves and others

Nerd Girl

From my comic strip, "Nerd Girl." A comic about my alter-ego Maddie, her best friend and my other alter-ego Rebecca (left) and their friends, ex-boyfriends, co-workers and families. This panel features my oldest character, Jenitta Brown (right).
 
I created Jenitta when I was in high school. She's the quintessential hot black girl with a nasty attitude. She tells it like it T-I-IS, while still being intelligent and sophisticated (somewhat.) Back in the day, Jenitta used to be obsessed with her ex-boyfriend, the star of my high school comic strip "Hazelwood Central," DeVante Jones. Now she's the know-it-all roommate of Maddie. Maybe I'll post some of my old high school strips (they're easier to scan in than the new ones which are huge. But I'm saving up to buy a new computer to strickly handle my illustrating work. 

The Tipsheet

* Disney's "Beauty and the Beast -- the musical" is coming to Bakersfield. Bakersfield Music Theatre has got the rights to perform this version of the classic fairytale this fall. It'll be playing at the Harvey Auditorium in October. "Angels in America" is also coming to Bakersfield too. The controversial, avant garde drama will be playing The Empty Space with Hal Friedman directing. Read about this and all the shows coming to town this fall in next Friday's Eye on Entertainment inside The Californian.
 
* Purple Rain! Puuuuuurple Rain! Prince is coming to the Save Mart Center in Fresno, CA Sept. 4. Tickets go on sale tomorrow at 10 a.m. Check with the Ticketmaster. Of course, I'm a member of Prince's NPG Music Club, so I ordered my tickets through his website this morning, but hey, it's only a little over $20 to join and you get all the whacky Prince action you want. It's the only way for a complete Prince freak like me to live.
 
* Streetrock is coming to the Kern County Fairgrounds next weekend. That's right. That's break dancing, DJ wars, turntablists, B-boys n' girls, MC's, dance crews, hip hop, you don't stop. Action goes down on Saturday, July 24. Doors open at 6 p.m. The event features $300 cash prizes and is being put on by the same people who hosted Visalia's Streetrock competition last year. (Which BTW had the world's coolest flyer -- a pic of a bunch of old Star Wars toys standing around in a circle watching a toy breakdance. Once I scan it in, I'll post it on this page.) It's $5 to get in. Call (661) 869-1508 for more info.
 
* Wanna do something this weekend? Lanny Ray and the Reels are playing Fishlips Saturday night. Comedy at Joker's Wild Comedy Club inside the Best Western Hill House on Saturday as well.
 


 

You know you live in Bakersfield when ...

... It's 95 degrees and people go, "God, it's nice out today."

Catwoman

Meee-ow. Is it just me or do the trailers make this thing look like it is the worst ... movie ... ever??? I want to back the Berry, honestly I do. But this is getting ridiculous. The bargain basement Eartha Kitt thing just isn't working for moi.

It's freaky

At home Blogspot looks perfect on my PC but at work, on my iMac, it looks like crap. I wonder how I can fix that? Of course, I'm not going to open this sucker up with Netscape. My iMac hates Netscape, although I'm almost positive this would work better in a Netscape browser. Oh, well. The mysteries of Bill Gates' Internet Explorer and Steve Jobs' Apple confound me again. It's like the Bobby and Whitney of computer programming.

Cabaret!

Saw The Empty Space's latest "Cabaret" this weekend. Interesting show. Really makes me wonder what The Empty Space could do if they just had more ... space. I just knew someone was going to catch a three-inch heel upside the head during the high-energy dance routines. Doug Cheesman (SubUrbia, A Few Good Men) plays the Emcee and he's amazing as usual. I've never seen him have an off night. He always seems to fully commit himself to his roles with abandon. It's really refreshing.

Check The Bakersfield Californian's Eye on Entertainment this Friday for my full review.

Oh, and the new seats, better. But I still crave a place that will someday invest in a chair with a higher back. Perhaps someone will someday donate goo-gobs of money so all the theaters can have egronomically correct chairs. My rear prays for that day.

Joker's Wild

Totally in love with comic K.T. Tatara. Saw him at the Joker's Wild Comedy Club's premiere July 3 on Saturday night. He was HILARIOUS. He opened for comic Quevaughn (Keith) Bryant, who runs the club with his wife. Keith had me laughing so hard that I'm still seeing a doctor about it. Loved his bit on "Beltman" -- the superhero who pulls up the pants of teenage boys and supplies them with much needed belts.

The jokes go on again this Saturday at the Jungle Cafe inside the Best Western Hill House, 700 Truxtun Ave. Shows at 8 p.m. and 10:15 p.m. Tip: Make reservations. You don't want to get stuck behind a pole.

The Tipsheet

News, gossip and stuff to do ... all this week in Bakersfield

* Local band Printed In Slovenia is now going by the name "Loveday." Guitarist Ben Gomez is no longer with the band and has been replaced by 21-year-old Matt Melton who last played with local band Bessemer Process.

* Slim the Drifter has a new band ... The Slim the Drifter Band. They'll be playing Dagny's next week. Details on the show are forthcoming ...

* Eve Ensler shut down Ashley Bretz's production of "The Vagina Monologues" in LA. The show was a hit for The Empty Space earlier this year. Bretz took a lot of risks with Ensler's signature work, adding Bob Fosse-style dancing, more women and a "Cabaret" atmosphere. Bretz said she'd been going back and forth with Ensler's people for weeks. They wanted Bretz to stick with the "no more than three women on stage at once" and "no multimedia" clauses. Bretz said she got the OK, but after a benefit show where she invited out all the Hollywood types she was told to shut it down or get sued. More on this later ...

* You got two more weeks to see "Hatikvah" in Los Angeles. That's Hal Friedman's play. My predecessor Chris Page gave it good reviews and they've gotten both yeas and nays in the LA press.

* "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum" will open July 23 at Starts Theatre Restaurant.

* The Spotlight Theatre's latest production "Ziggurat" is without a director. Word on the street is that he had to split due to personal issues. The assistant director will be picking up the slack. The Iraqi conflict-based play, penned by Friedman, is slated to open July 23.

* LA-based band Hoobastank's sleep-eyed lead singer Doug Robb has a crush on Penelope Cruz. Nothing serious. He just likes to tell interviewers that, but I'm almost positive he has a woman. Robb and the rest of Hooba will be in town Thursday, July 15 at Stramler Park. You can read about him and my interview with Phantom Planet in Wednesday's Eye section of The Bakersfield Californian.

* Monty Byrom and Mother Funk Conspiracy are doing regular gigs now at Fishlips. Friday nights. Show starts at 9 p.m.

* Local purse/clothing designer Misa Misono's got hot summer stuff on her website. Go buy something.

* Every Friday night from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., fashion show at The Bistro off California Ave. Food and drink specials. Pretty girls in nice clothes. Jazz music.

* In case you didn't notice, Bar Flies (next door to Downtown Records) is closed and no more, but word on the street is Shamiqster, Radio Shack Rahim (that's Beaux Mingus), is buying the space and turning it into a thrift shop.

* Local band Near Miss Mallet is having their CD release party July 17 at Borders. Chris Page used to be the bass player before he ran away to Arizona to do theatre reviews.

That's all for now! Have a good weekend!

More on Bad Chairs

Going to see "Cabaret" tonight at The Empty Space. I'm hoping it'll be fun. I mean, how often is "Cabaret" going to show up in town? Like never.

I'm bringing my sister the theater major along and a co-worker. Beforehand Bob Kempf at the Space emailed me to let me know that they've finally got new chairs. Praise the Lord. I thought they were trying to kill me, running neck and neck with The Spotlight for worst chairs. I'm glad that I'm judging the performances and not the seating otherwise I'd never have a nice thing to say. A matter of fact all the theaters in this town have awful chairs with the exception of ... goodness. Stars maybe?

Anyway, here's what Bob had to say about those chairs:

"After 18 months of almost torturing our tolerant audience members, those horrid brown chairs are out of here! They have been replaced by chairs that are roomy, comfy, and with excellent lumbar support. The chairs were generously donated to the Empty Space by Bakersfield's local State Farm Insurance Offices at 900 Old River Road."

Anyway. Here's an awful chair ranking (not including the Space's new chairs. They might leave the list all together after tonight):

5. The Harvey Auditorium: Just like high school, now with spinal injuries.

4. Stars Theatre Restaurant/Candlelight Dinner Theatre: At least you have a table there to lean on.

3. Bakersfield Community Theatre: Number of times I've bruised a knee in their theater due to the chairs — 3

2. The Spotlight Theatre: After nearly three hours of watching their production of "On the Verge" I couldn't tell which I disliked more, the word-heavy dialog or the chair. Hmmm. I think it was the chair.

And lastly ...

1. The Empty Space's Brown Back Breakers: The staple of cheap wedding receptions and out-of-town hotel conferences, these chairs were only meant brief, brief, brief moments of sitting. Not sitting through "Julius Caesar." Good riddance, you bastions of evil.

I mean, if you have bad chairs, people are more likely to stay awake and watch your performance, but then, they're also more likely to walk out after 15 minutes, so hooray for new chairs!

Shooper Dooper

Check out Friday's Eye on Entertainment where I got to kick it with "The Shoopster" Bakersfield's 29 Eyewitness News Anchor Rusty Shoop.

Rusty was a good sport for the feature I did on news anchors in light of our "Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy" movie coverage. Although I give The Shoopster the Ron Burgundy treatment in the piece, the guy who actually kept telling me over and over again that he was the resident "Ron Burgundy" at KBAK was the 6 p.m. and 11 p.m. news anchor Kurt Rivera. We had a great little moment involving him forgetting his make up for the 6 p.m. broadcast with Lynda Halligan.

Here's what got cut from the piece:

During a commercial break, news anchor Kurt Rivera keeps referring to himself as “Ron Burgundy.”

He asks a co-worker to get a bottle out and fill it with water.

“The one in my black bag,” he says, the same bag he tossed open earlier frantically to get out his makeup before rushing onto KBAK’s 29 Eyewitness News set next to his co-anchor Lynda Halligan.

“As Ron Burgundy I have the authority to direct people,” he jokes, before adding that he would never order anyone around.

“It doesn’t fly now,” he says wistfully smiling, “but back in the day!”
Rivera is laughing now, but he'd just barely adverted a crisis.

It was almost 15 minutes to air time and the anchorman was in the newsroom, but his makeup was not.

For most men, this would not be an issue, as most men don’t have makeup kits. But then most men don’t have to anchor the 6 and 11 p.m. broadcasts.

It’s the high definition broadcast that concerns 39-year-old Rivera the most. Ever since the station switched over to broadcasting in high-definition TV he’s had to make sure that he’s made up and ready to go every time.

Though his olive skin is actually quite lovely, lightly freckled and smooth in person, the camera will find every pore, every freckle, every line and turn his angular face into a sharply detailed topography map.

He’s got to have his makeup and the clock is winding down.

“He made it,” Rivera shouts while in a mad dash back to his desk, bag in one hand, script in the other. Two pages of it go flying. He quickly dumps out his foundation, make-up sponge and brush on the floor.

In a flash he is sitting next to Halligan, slapping on his make-up, just barely beating the clock.

“My wife always nags me. She can tell when I didn’t have time to put my makeup on. She’s my makeup critic,” said Rivera after the broadcast. “But the mirrors are so small. It’s all dusty and stuff. I probably could do a better job putting it on. You don’t grow up learning how to do makeup when you’re a guy.”

Rivera then smiled and said gruffly, “I’m a man’s man.”

Bonus: In further evidence of that whole six degrees of seperation thing. Lynda Halligan (back in her entertainment industry days) came THIS CLOSE to being a stand-in for "Anchorman" star Christina Applegate when the actress was on Fox's "Married With Children." She lost the job to a chick who looked just like her.

Back Aches

Today I just realized that someone swiped out my desk chair and replaced it with a medieval (sic) torture device, a lopsided nightmare that was almost identical to my former chair. Now I'm in this stumpy blue contraption, but at least I'm not going to develop that hunchback. I'll be so happy when we move back to our remodeled newsroom. They say the chairs will be magical there. I look forward to that day.

I think I just started a blog ...

... And I'm horrified. But heck, it might be fun. And I should have a blog. No. Scratch that. I DESERVE a blog. I mean, I write professionally for a living. I'm a newspaper columnist (sort of). You can read me once a month in The Bakersfield Californian daily newspaper. (And once a week in a not-so-secret column that runs without my name on it).

I'm also a cartoonist. An aspiring novelist. A poet. A lounge singer (although currently I am without a band or a lounge). And a lover of all things sweet and sugary.

I'm also a woman AND African American. But I come in peace ...

This blog is for anyone who is nosey about my life as an entertainment reporter. That includes ex-boyfriends I don't talk to anymore. Women I'm no longer friends with and my mother in the big STL.

Forwarning for the fragile: I have the tendency to curse from time to time, heck, I can even be vulgar, but I promise to keep it at a managable level. I won't be flippin' Dick Cheneys all over the place.

Until then ...