IRONY!

I was chatting via email with a friend of mine who ran away and joined the priesthood a few days ago about gospel plays. For those who don't know a gospel play is musical, often put on by black churches or just black folks who really like church. These shows, when successful, often travel all over the country to major cities and all over the south. They usually feature some story about sinning and cheating and stealing and killing where folks learn the wrongs of their ways through God and get saved at the end.

In the mix there's usually some great singing, broad acting and comedy. Kind of like Jesus Vaudeville. Some of the more popular ones were "Older Man, Younger Woman," "He Say, She Say But What Does God Say," and recently Tyler Perry's "Diary of A Mad Black Woman" which was made into a film and has been enjoying a great deal of success. Perry is best known for his playing a crazy black grandmother who carries a handgun in her purse.

Gross racial stereotype #211: When it comes to gospel plays and Jesus, Black folks don't mess around. They like to beat you in the head with some Jesus. I don't know how many times I've walked into a Black Baptist church and was literally slapped with some Lord. Hard. Like in the forehead.

And so this is what I emailed my soon-to-be priest friend about what it is sometimes like for me when tryin to talk to someone at a black Baptist church in the south about my problems:

ME: Rev. Pitts, I'm really worried about my mother ...

REV: (Slap across forehead) JESUS!

ME: Ow. Um ... yeah, but my mother and I. We've been fighting and ...

REV: JESUS! JESUS IS THE ANSWER!

ME: OK. Well ... um, how can I apply that to ...?

REV: Ain't no neeeeed to worry about no application! APPLY TO JESUS! He's got the job for you right here!

ME: But I really want our relationship to get better and I want to be able to ...

REV: COME TO JESUS! Jesus is your relationship doctor! And the DOCTOR IS ALWAYS IN!

ME: OK. Could you just explain that to me with out using a play on words?

REV: What? Ain't no PLAYIN' AROUND with JESUS! Jesus don't PLAY when it come to the WORD! And that WORD is JESUS!

ME: OK. I get it. Fine.

REV: Ain't nuttin FINE about it! It is GOOD. God is good! (waits for me to respond) I SAID, sister BELTON, GOD IS GOOD!

ME: Um ... all the time?

REV: AND ALL THE TIME?

ME: God is good?

REV: THERE YOU GO! Tell ya grandma I said hi.