TV Vertigo

I went on TV tonight for the first time in months and it was a live broadcast from the newsroom. While I have no fear of making a complete fool of myself on television I do have a fear of the mini news set in the newsroom because it's perched up high on a high director's chair and involves sitting on two phone books. I suffer from various phobias from time to time (all equally annoying) and lately my fear of heights have worsened to the point that I can't go down escalators (I can only go up) and have trouble going down the stairs in the parking garage at work. (So far the stairs at work aren't giving me trouble.) And I've never been able to go down stairs without staring at my feet the whole time.

So, I was not happy about sitting in that flimsy high chair that sits on an open, elevated platform in the newsroom. It's been fifteen minutes and I'm still trying to calm down. Essentially it feels like I'm floating independently and I can't find the horizon line anymore. It's weird. But I'm just grateful I made it through the whole thing without tumbling down the platform on live television.

I'd thought I'd outgrown all my childhood phobias but gradually, one by one they've all returned to my annoyance. My fear of wide open spaces. My fear of large inatimate objects that move on their own (that would be those animatronic puppets at the Country Bear Jamborie and pump jacks. I think you folks call them "rigs" out here.) My fear of masks. (Can't watch those Burger King commericals with the gigant plastic king in them. The King will eat me. I don't like it. I don't like it at all.) And now my fear of heights.

At least my fear of animals and bugs didn't come back. It would make it really hard to live with my cat ...