WHOO-HOO!

My blog is the first thing that pops up when you google "Danielle Belton" on GOOGLE! (Or Yahoo, which is really just Google, but I still prefer the Yahoo browser, but I'm rambling.)

Anyway ...

I feel like a internet superstar!

(Of course in the same search my crappy columns from college and Amazon.com Listmania lists pop up too, but eh, they're not NUMBER ONE!)

Coming Thursday

Comedian Lowell Sanders is coming to the Fox Dec. 4 at 8 p.m. You may know him as that guy who's been opening for George Lopez all over the country. Lowell's been in the business for more than two decades and is orignally from Detroit. The man is funny. He started out with Tim Allen who has been his homie for years. (On Lowell's site he boasts, "The only difference between me and Tim Allen is a hit TV show, movies and millions of dollars. That's it!")

Lowell and I had a delightful chat on Monday about how as a native of Detroit he felt about "BasketBrawl." You know? That Pacers/Pistons game that suddenly turned into the Source Awards (Or to be more up-to-date with my jokes, The Vibe Awards.)

Anyway. As a comedian Sanders said the game was "a comic's dream." And said if he'd been at the game he would have been down on the court, "running my face into a basketball players fist."

Naturally you can read more about Sanders and his take on BasketBrawl in Thursday's Californain!

Word of the Day!

eponym: n. 1. A person whose name is or is thought to be the source of the name of something, such as a city, country, or era. For example, Romulus is the eponym of Rome. 2. Medicine, a name of a drug, structure, or disease based on or derived from the name of a person

MASH!

Ah ... the past-time of every girl while bored in class / indoor recess / lunch / field trips and lonely single girls with nothing to lose.

Enjoy!

MASH on, ladies! (And gents!)

Word of the Day!

filigree: n. Delicate and intricate ornamental work made from gold, silver or other fine twisted wire.

Thanksgiving Downer

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Since my folks live in St. Louis, I spent most of the holiday all "Unambomber-style," hiding out in my house. My friend and fake sister Christina did come to visit and I did leave for a few hours to Thanksgiving parties at Sabrina's (an aquaintence) and at my co-worker, Jenn Baldwin's, house. But I'm come from one of those INSANELY close families, where being around other people's families at Thanksgiving makes me want to burst into tears (which I did, like, THREE TIMES, yesterday. One time in the middle of laughing).

So it's nice that people invited me out and encouraged me to go, but I was literally, no frickin' fun all day. All I could think about was how I was missing my mother's cornbread dressing, our Thanksgiving "chicken" (we hate turkey), sweet potato pies, turnip greens, macaroni and cheese and the usual green beans and cranberry sauce. My father fixing his plate before everyone else sits down. My mother being the last person to sit down because she won't stop messing with things. My father uninteligibly mumbling grace at the head of the table (I've heard the same thing for 26 years and I STILL can't tell you what he says.)

I always sit next to my mother, who sits on my Dad's left from the head of the table. My two sisters sit across us on the right. It's been that way since my eldest sister Denise (who writes her cheery comments on my blog as "Big Sis") used to plot against me using our baby sister Deidre as the pawn in her elaborate scheme. No one wanted to sit next to me, so I sat next to Mama. Which was fine, SINCE SHE LIKES ME BEST ANYHOW!

(She really doesn't, but my sister reads this blog and I like to throw that in her face from time to time.)

I told my mom that I really need to learn how to cook her dressing and a chicken. I don't want the cornbread dressing and giblet gravy recepie to die with her. And since I like to cook I figure I should learn. So I'm going to save up my vacation next year and spend a week with her trying to figure it out.

Of course I'm all out of vacation this year, so I'm looking at the world's most depressing holiday season. You can try to cheer me up. I pretty much DARE you to, but I'm still planning on going all Unabomber on everyone. I'm going to sit in my apartment and work on my 12 novels and six screenplays this Christmas. Maybe in all my misery I'll actually finish one of them.

Happy Frickin' Holidays

Your friendly neighborhood unabomber-style grinch writing crazy MASH notes to God,

Danielle

Word of the Day

acerbic: adj. 1. sour or bitter tasting; acid 2. Sharp or biting, as in a character or expression. Other forms: acerbically

Now, let's use that in a sentence!

"I find the celebrity gossip cycle to be quite acerbic, often to the point of being smiply unbearable."

Rumors

In case you didn't notice (I don't know maybe you don't read the paper, maybe you just read the blog — strange, but I can dig it), I haven't done any theater reviews lately.

I've been trying to break it to local theater folks gently, but yeah, we're not doing regular theater reviews anymore at The Californian. I know. I know. You're upset. You're angry. You want to slap somebody.

But it's going to be OK, guys. I'm still going to write seasonal previews, you know? Those big packages I started this year? The ones where I tell everyone in Bakersfield what plays are running for spring/summer and fall/winter? And we're still going to have Camile Gavin's column. We're still going to let people know what shows are opening on the weekends. We're still going to put the shows in the calendar. We'll even do the occasional feature on big shows when they come to town. (Like how I wrote preview stories for "Teatro Bizarro" and "The Vagina Monologues.") We're not going to ignore a big show.

But I know that a lot of folks will still be upset. It's OK for you to be upset. I mean, my predecessor even reviewed high school plays. I had to cut that out if I was going to hit opening weekend of the actual theater houses.

So we're not abandoning you. Any of you. Heck. I love you crazy guys. And I'm still going to write about you from time-to-time. You'll certainly still pop up in WOTS. It's just now you don't have to worry about me having to write mean things about plays I don't like anymore (even though I know you liked it when I wrote great things about plays I loved! I'm still talking about "Into the Woods," Hal! Still tell everyone Doug Cheesman, Monique Gomez and Joe Cannon are the best young actors in town. Still like those poor, crazy bohemians at the Empty Space! Even when it's bad, it's like bad in this beautiful, fantastic "La Boheme," "we're-all-gonna-die-poor-so-lets-put-on-a- show!" sort of way.)

So, buck up thespians of Bakersfield! It's going to be a bit of an adjustment, but everything is going to be OK. Really. If you want me to hold your hand and talk you through it you've all got my number (some of you even have my cell phone number. Some of you even know where I live) so just e-mail me or give me a call or blog your concerns below.

You know I'm always there to lend you an ear.

Your friendly neighborhood entertainment reporter,

Danielle

Sayonara, Dan Rather

This Slate.com writer says about the "Gunga Dan" what I've been saying for years.

Homeboy is NUTS! I love that crazy guy. Remember when John-John died in the plane crash and all the networks went live with it because the Kennedys are basically our version of the British royals and Dan was on the air and in a moment of pure insanity uttered, "I think it was said somewhere, in the Bible someone said, 'Keep hope alive.'"

I swear. Jesse Jackson should have DEMANDED proper attribution. Although I'm sure Rev. Jackson didn't mind being confused with the Bible.

And election night. My land, he was like Ross Perot on meth with the Texas-sized verbal histronics.

Bye Dan. Thanks for ruining CBS. I'll miss you.

Word of the Day

pugnacious: adj. Combative in nature; belligerent

My cat

As some of you may know I am roommates with a cat named Shaggy. He is a struggling author himself with writer's block going on for about three years now. Despite this (and his lack of opposable thumbs) he has started a blog.

Technical Difficulties

Me and blogger are like having a fight today. So if some of the posts come up weird, forgive us. We aren't getting along ...

Hug-An-Actor

So I've been hearing all these rumors about local playhouses being on the brink of a nervous breakdown. (Re: Folks are worried that they might be going out of business.) I'm hearing it all over the place.

David Zent's Candlelight is folding and moving down to Rosedale. (Irregardless of the man's dislike of me, Jesus tells me to love him. So I do! I LOVE YOU, DAVID ZENT! Nothing but LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! What are we? Biggie and Tupac? Let's squash the beef man! So I hated "Pajama Game?" I'm 27. To me it's corny! And it's been like seven months. Who's still talking about that?

Well, every other actor I run into.

But still, man. I love theater. So I love you. I love everybody. I'm lovable, dammit!

But back to the rumors. I know a lot of theaters are struggling (so I know there will be some grumbling when folks learn that we're cutting out the play reviews and only doing seasonal previews and mini-previews now, with the occasional feature on a big show in town at The Californian). So I encourage folks to GO SEE A PLAY! Any play. Like I know you might think you're too young to go to Stars or too old to go to The Empty Space (You guys TOTALLY changed your web address and didn't tell me. Where's the love Guinevere Park-Hall? Keep a sister updated!) But it's THEATER. Do something classy for once. We all can't hang out in the Taco Bell parking lot comparing the rims on our Honda Civics.

The BCT wants some serious lovin'! Not just some "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am."

Spotlight Theatre serves food before shows now. (Yum!) So they're even trying to feed you! It's like their a bunch of "desperate housewives" trying to get your attention. Would you like them more if they got bigger boobs? If they dyed their hair blonde? If they performed "West Side Story" for the millionth time? What do you want from them? Why won't you love them? They just want to be loved? WHY WON'T YOU LOVE THEM!

Why won't you love them, Bakersfield?

For theories as to why you won't give local theater some lovin', post below.

Coming this THURSDAY!!!

Sorry folks. No bar review this Thursday (due to pothole in lawn that rendered me lame this weekend), but I'll be back out this holiday weekend. Oddly enough I'm more excited about blowing $38 at Express the day after Thanksgiving to get a free Cashmere scarf, but, yeah, I'm excited about bars too.

But you will get to read my interview with John Fogerty and see a BIG GIGANTIC HOLIDAY EVENTS SPREAD! You know? Plays to see. When the Christmas parade goes down. How to get in on the Buck Owens, Brad Paisley and Dwight Yoakam New Years party at the Crystal Palace. (Hopefully there will be a story about THAT in next Thursday's section.)

WOTS will be there, as always. She actually got some hate mail last week. Of course WOTS encourages people to hate her, so she really brought it upon herself. But no worries WOTS lovers. She wasn't upset. She's just glad that people hate her enough to read her incoherent pop culture rambles. (Believe me, I was always worried that WOTS would be so obscure that no one would get it. Good Lord knows how many times I've written something and gone, "Will anyone know that that's from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?" or "Goodness, how many times have I mentioned Tevin Campbell this year?" and my favorite, "Damn, I really need to mail that guy that CD he won!")

I'm sending him the Velvet Revolver album, shortly.

So what do you guys think of moving the tab to Thursday? I think it's pretty cool. Gives you a little jump ahead on what's happening in the world. But you might hate it. I know a few of you opened your Friday section perplexed about missing WOTS. So post below on what you think about the move?

Word of the Day

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I've got like a fetish for obscure words and phrases. Normally, I can only spread this joy as the "Word of the Week" as part of WOTS. But now that I have my blog I can have:

THE WORD OF THE DAY!!! (Bwaaa-haaa-haaaa!)

postprandial: adj. Following a meal, especially dinner. Ex. "Took a postprandial walk through the woods." Other forms: postprandially

This weekend

Man, I totally missed Green Day because I fell in a friggin' pothole in the lawn on the way to taking out my garbage Saturday morning. What the hell?

I spent the entire weekend tooling around the apartment, hopping on one leg and watching movies with my fake sister Christina. She'd never seen "Demolition Man" or "Casino" before. Sacrilege!

The only good thing was that I got to spend, like, 18 hours this weekend working on one of my 20,000 screenplays. I'm 94 pages into it! I write screenplays faster than novels, yet ... I ... do ... nothing ... with them.

Then, Saturday night, my co-worker and friend Chris George came to my rescue. (We call him by his full name. I don't know why, it just makes more sense for some reason.) After hearing of my game foot, he came a-rushing with a wrap and two ice packs and went all crazy hero guy on me. Then he complimented my apartment.

Anyway. If anyone went to Green Day and something special happened hit me on the blog!

The Tipsheet!

Points o' the day

* Holiday Trunk Show at Tangerine

* John Fogerty's "alias"

* Goodness, I'm broke

* Green Day, Saturday, Yeah!

* Papa Roach CANCELS!

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I had lunch at SighaThai off of California Avenue with local purse designer Misa Misono. We talked a lot about stuff you probably don't care about. A purse, purse here. A purse, purse there. Substitue teaching. How ugly the whole poncho thing is. (It looks like you're wearing a blankee!) And then something about how she's having a huge Trunk Show at Tangerine Nov. 26 and 27.

One thing to know about Misa -- she makes a durn good purse. And they're pretty too. She's selling handbags, capelets, scarves, clothes and jewelery. If you haven't been to Tangerine its between Dagny's Coffee Co. and Outrage Salon at 1602 20th St. Check em' out at www.misamisono.com and www.tangerineclothing.com!

If you go to the show, I'll be there. Say hi!
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So, I got to chit-chat with old rocker John Fogerty on Wednesday. (You may know him as the dude who sang "Bad Moon Rising" with 70s band Creedence Clearwater Revival. Well, there probably won't ever be a revival of "Revivial." (To quote Fogerty during the interview, "We are not on friendly terms.")

But I almost didn't get to speak to Fogerty because when I called the number his publicist gave me it went to a hotel and they said nobody by the name of Fogerty was staying there.

I call the publicist and find out that Fogerty is straight going by an alias, all incognito, at the hotel. He was going by "Jackson" something. It was hilarious. I'm like, who's stalking John Fogerty? I mean, Lenny Kravitz used to travel using the name Buddy X but then Neneh Cherry wrote that song and busted him out. But DUDE. It's JOHN FOGERTY. Not Lenny Kravitz the musical equivalent of a cod piece. Anyway. Read my interview with Fogerty in next Thursday's Entertainment Eye.
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Dude. I'm looking at my finances and I'm sooo broke. It's not even funny. So just stop laughing.
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Green Day is going down this Saturday at the Garden. They'll be playing with Sugarcult and New Found Glory. I'm super excited. I'll get to review the show (and you'll see THAT in next Thursday's Entertainment Eye.) It's gonna be real niiiiiice. Alas, I have no one to go with! Perhaps someone or something will pop up ....
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Papa Roach. Totally not happening kids. According to Tim Gardea the show has been post-poned. Turned out the Roach is doing some late night talk show that day. Oy vey!

Fashion Alert!

Fashionistas, wannabe fashionistas, ladies who lunch, girly girls and gay men, be on alert this Sunday for a huge, huge, HUGE fashion photo package featuring ballerinas in party outfits. Shot at local ballet doyenne Martha Knight's studio in the Women's Club building on 18th street and featuring two of her own Bakersfield Ballet Theatre ballerinas (the angelic Wyndi Balden and the beguiling Juliet Escalante) we've got a great holiday fashion story.

I mean, it's ballerinas doing pointe in party dresses. (For the dance illiterate, pointe is the advanced ballet stuff involving hard shoes that allow a ballerina to stand on her toes. It's brutal but beautiful and beauty is pain, folks.)

The photos were done by Felix Adamo so they look superbly superb and excellently excellent. And it was a team effort with Outrage Salon doing the hair, a make-up artist and clothes from Robinsons-May, Tangerine, Shabby Chic and Mervyn's.

I did a lot of shopping folks, searching and coordinating. Dealt with a wee bit of drama (meee-yow!) but it was worth it. It's going to be nice, so check it out. Get some clothing tips or ... just gaze at pretty pictures of ballerinas. You know? Whatever is your pleasure.

As for what's hot this season: Little tip, the colors are pink and purple, the hair is wavy or curly and the glam is all pearls and bling-bling. Go all Veronica Lake, Hollywood glamour on that party outfit.

Kern County: body double to the world!

Actors have stunt doubles but what happens when you want to film that stunt double in New Finland but you don't want to spend that New Finland money?

Why, you shoot it in Kern County of course! Body double to the world!

We faked an ocean in Waterworld. Doubled for eastern Europe in Van Helsing. We're featured in every other Star Trek knock-off, Sci-fi film.

Just this past weekend the Touchstone/Disney film "Flightplan" did two days of shooting at the Mojave Airport. Starring Jodie Foster, the Flightplan folks needed a large airport in a barren area to double for Goose Bay in Newfoundland, Canada.

Of course they needed a lot of snow and stuff for that, but baaah, Mojave would do.

I got a chance to chat with Charles Schlissel, the executive producer of "Flightplan," who, by the way, has an excellence sense of humor, although I can't quite recall what funny thing he said that caused me to think that. Hmmmm ...

But it was quite fascinating to hear how Schlissel's crew turned the desert surrounding Mojave into a winter wonderland using biodegradable fake snow and reflective white paper. Digital affects are expensive, man. He went all paper mache and DIY on that thing. Check out what he has to say this Thursday in the Word on the Street column inside the Eye on Entertainment tab.

Yeah, I said THURSDAY. To all the Johnny-Come-Lately-No-Read-the-Paper's we've moved the section folks. You get your WOTS a whole day early now. No more pining until Friday. She's there in all her glory every Thursday.

Oakland, Calif.

So I went to Oakland this weekend with my homie Christina to visit her homies in Oakland, city of high crime rate, lots of black people and within close proximity to Berkeley, Calif. AKA "Liberal Heaven."

See, when liberals die they all go to Berkeley where they can be as controversial or as weird as they want. Where they can have waiting lists for hybrid cars and ban styrofoam. It was very fascinating. So fascinating that I wrote a frickin' rock opera about it over the weekend with the closing anthem featuring the lyrics:

"Oakland is the place where your dreams go to die/When the rent gets to high/In San Francisco/Where I riot can start in the blink of an eye/And the smallest matter is do or die/In Oakland, California"

I also have a musical I'm writing about Bakersfield, but I'm TOTALLY going to wait until I move to try to get it performed. It includes a long, rousing number about a non-news day at The Californian that includes the phrase: "Don't be lazy, and don't you whine. Everybody's gotta suck it up and take it some times."

Anyway, I had a great time in Oakland over Halloween weekend and I got to pass out candy to little black kids while their moms yelled at them "I didn't hear you say THANK YOU! Say thank you to the lady!"

Ah ... memories.