The Drama over at Drama Rama

As all the thesps know things got wacky really fast over in Drama Rama this week with the discussion about my Sunday article on theater in Bakersfield. Much of the wackiness involved local actor, director and producer David Lollar's comments in my story. David sent me an e-mail today wanting to set the record straight on what he felt was some confusion and misunderstanding regarding his comments.

Since David's computer hates Blogger, he can't post his statement himself. Therefore, I'm posting it as an entry. Feel free to respond with your thoughts, feelings and questions but if you have anything of a personal nature to take up with David, please e-mail the man at dlollar@mail.djuhsd.org.

FYI: David's note is lengthy and I did some minor editing for errors and clarification.

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From: David Lollar

The fascinating yet predictable outrage to Danielle Belton’s article in Sunday’s paper on the state of community theatre came from one comment I made regarding “managing our emotions.”

Based on a 20 minute conversation, with me doing all of the talking and Ms. Belton doing all of the “mmm-hmmm (type-type-type) mmm-hmmm (type-type-type),” one quote has caused quite a stir.

Before I address it, let me first remind you that my main point throughout the conversation and the article is the problem in our theatre community, as I see it, is “audience development.” I spent most of my time discussing that both in the telephone interview and in print. To focus elsewhere distorts my message and has distorted the public perception of my character. I entreat you to reread the article as a whole once again and view this dialogue in context.

Dr. Fillbrandt and I agreed that ‘business’ is the missing ingredient in ‘show-business’ in our community. Emily Thiroux heartily agrees with me when she posted on the Drama Rama Web site that audience development is the key. Dozens of our theatres’ leaders agree with and support me on the tantalizing comment about “emotion management.” And yet, I feel I need to clarify the point further since the paper has printed the Web site today for the general public to see it in all its glory.

To begin, Ms. Belton wrote a wonderful, investigative piece on the problems inside community theatre. She is an insightful reporter, a stylish writer, and I am proud to have been a part of this article.

Ms. Belton's objective may have been to highlight the siren’s call to risk great odds and receive great (or no) rewards because of that risk; to succumb to the romance and appeal that tempts us to the theatre world and at times breaks our hearts and burns our wallets in the process. Or her objective may have been to highlight the flaws in the industry for the purpose of generating positive change. Whatever her objectives were, the one question she asked me was “what do you think is wrong with community theatre in Bakersfield today? [ For the record, my exact question to David and several other people I interviewed for this story was, "What do you think are some of problems facing local theater today?" — Danielle ]”

She did not ask me to highlight the wonderful diversity of quality entertainment opportunities in town (of which there are many, and we should be proud of that, as Emily Thiroux put so well in her reply on the Web site). She did not ask me to talk about the wonderful experiences I’ve had in town or the great people I’ve worked with (of which there are countless, and I am grateful for each and every one of them). She did not ask me a warm, fuzzy question. She asked me “what do you think is wrong with community theatre in Bakersfield today?” That is the one question I answered for 20 minutes. If you think about that question and your personal observations, your answer may differ, but you would still be talking about the problem, airing the dirty laundry as it were, by answering the one question “what do you think is wrong with community theatre in Bakersfield today?”

Also, she asked me. David Lollar. Ms. Belton asked me. She didn’t ask Doug Cheesman or Jason Monroe or Roger Mathey or Bob Kempf or any other strong leaders in our community who produce great shows that are relevant and entertaining, as these gentlemen indeed are, or any of the strong women leaders in our theatre community either — she asked me for my personal observations and thoughts. Had she asked one of the above members of our community, she would have gotten a different answer, I am sure.

But Ms. Belton knows two things about me, based on our personal relationship — first, I have many successful experiences in all the local theatres with many local artists; second, I am highly qualified to talk about the theatre industry in general based on my background; and third, I am deeply passionate about the theatre and I don’t mind sharing my opinion, especially when I know I can back it up with corroboration six ways to Sunday if I have to. She made a very astute choice in asking me the question, knowing my answer would be opinionated yet truthful — and that’s a good thing for a paper to have in an interviewee, don’t you think?

Finally, with regards to the quote in question: people falsely accuse me of making a blanket statement, and since it is being misconstrued to mean I am talking about everyone, I want to clarify the point and put an end to the discussion about it and me so we can instead discuss solving our problems in the theatre world.

“We have young, single people all sleeping with each other” — To begin, “all” was used colloquially, as in “he’s all, she all, and then they all” … not in the sense that I am including by name and number “all” humans in my criticism. To write this in proper English would be to say, “Young, single people, sleep with each other (in the theatre community).”

“One minute you get one person breaking up” — What may have been left out of the quote is “and that hurts us when one of those people is in a position of authority and uses their emotional baggage to hurt their ex-boy/girlfriend to the detriment of the show and the theatre itself.” [ David did say this to me, but I felt it was too specific and did not put it in the story. — Danielle ] I didn’t say that part because I thought it would be assumed, based on the tone and context of the article. No fault of Ms. Belton, I just didn’t clarify for those of you who enjoy deep critical analysis.

By the way, the reason no names were used in any part of my answer to Ms. Belton was to save any embarrassment to any party that I was discussing, based on my personal observation. When accused of not telling the truth on the Web site, I offered to “name names” in private, personal email if that would help satisfy someone’s curiosity, but I won’t do it on record in a newspaper. That’s ungentlemanly to say the least.

“Add to that, you’re not dealing with the most sophisticated, educated people” — Based on my personal experience both in and out of Bakersfield, I have seen bad decisions in Bakersfield affect the outcome of theatre because the decision maker was either ignorant of what works, uneducated in the way to make a successful show or business plan, or playing dumb to get their own way at the detriment of their show, their fellow actors or their company. I won’t be any more specific outside of private email, but if you read the subtext, you can see the solution is to go see professional theatre in other cities and bring back what works and stop doing what doesn’t. To all the actors who are offended, thinking I called them dumb, I apologize. You are not even included in the people I’m talking about when I make the above statement. And because “audience education” was a part of my answer to Ms. Belton, I was also speaking of the frustration in putting on great theatre when the general audience would rather be watching "The Simpsons" or "Napoleon Dynamite" at home. I said it in the article, and I will repeat it here: that’s great if you’re selling double-wides, not if you’re producing great art. Audience development is the key.

“They don’t know how to manage their emotions” — See my reply to the “breaking up” quote, this one’s the same.

When you are running a business, you have to know how to run a business. When you are making cold, clear cut decisions that affect the quality of life in Bakersfield based on how good your show is, how developed your audience is, how well your employees do their jobs, and how happy the IRS is with your output, you do NOT let your emotions get involved. You do NOT let young, inexperienced people run it for you.

Actors and directors and lighting designers should be allowed to do their job — act, direct or design. When those people have to also take on the responsibility of grant writing, networking with major financial investors and socialites, satisfying corporate paperwork for the governments local and federal, marketing and advertising to the community of Bakersfield in a way the citizens understand and comprehend it, hiring the right artists to do great theatre (in short, run the business); and they have little to no experience in the working world as leaders, and little to no formal education, and little to no role models to mentor them; and they are living the lifestyle of teenagers on Spring Break … you create a recipe for disaster. I’ve seen this, in part, during my experience in community theatre in Bakersfield. It is why I’ve spent many hours shaking my head in amazement in the past two years. And it’s probably why Ms. Belton knew I’d be a good person to ask of this question.

Finally, I have been a part of great theatre in town, I have made wonderful friends at every theatre. I will keep doing my best in every job I take, I hope the theatre community grows stronger and more prosperous for all, and I will continue to criticize when I see people, places, and things that hurt a person, damage a show, or poison a company.

So, I put it to you, Bakersfield: think about the following question, give an answer to the blog or the paper or the Web site, and let’s make this a better world where we can all not only get along, but also do great work that affects the lives of Kern County’s citizens’ in a positive, relevant, and life changing way. Here’s your question: “What do you think is wrong with community theatre in Bakersfield today?”

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Thoughts? Questions? Comments?

More Stuff N' Junk

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, I'm begging of you, please don't take my man!

I was so late finding this thing, but since everyone is already all up on The White Stripes I decided to give them some breathing room. Find the band on my own. But this Dolly Parton cover is un-friggin-believable. And that's not just because I equate The White Stripes to being the musical equivalent of Johnny Depp and I just remove Jack White's face and put Johnny's there instead. It's not. IT'S NOT!

And happy reading. Here's actor-turned-director David Duchovny's blog about his movie "The House of D." I like The Duchovny. The Duchovny is cool, although I don't know why the "X-File" star is afraid of the shift key. The shifty key is your friend, David. It's here to help. The best part of the blog is his "Best of the 70s" iPod song collection where he proves that celebrity's are just as lame as the rest of us. "Build Me Up Buttercup?" "Landslide?" "Satillite of Love?" Man, you're lame, Duchovny! As lame as me.

Stuff N' Junk

Mento Buru's Matt Munoz brightened up my day a bit yesterday when he mailed me a hologram Prince Hot 92 Jamz bumper sticker. It is now sitting on my desk from an angle where a pink-hatted Prince can sneer down at me haughtily thinking naughty little Prince thoughts. I LOVE it! It's so beautifully tacky. Prince is beautifully tacky. I love him.

Other stuff:

Bakersfield Community Theatre is having a special presentation of "The Rocky Horror Show," a little tease before the really big shoe next weekend for us media types. I love previews. They make me feel all special inside. And this one promises wine and cheese. And who doesn't like wine and cheese?

Then Saturday night The Empty Space is having a special benefit for Bakersfield's AIDS Project. Right now the Space has "Angels in American Part Two" going. Doors will open at 7 p.m. with info and resource booths for the public dealing with themes for the play. A portion of the night's proceeds will go to the charity.

Also this weekend I will be checking out "Robin Hood" at the Spotlight, possibly the film "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and will go clubbing in search of clubs for my club reviews. I'm also going to kick off "Bakersfield After Dark" Part duex. Last year I went to a bunch of bars and did a giant bar review for the entertainment section. Once again, it is on. If I missed your fav party haven, drinking hole or night spot please blog or email me your fav place. I'm trying to hit up some new spots I missed this time around.

Dude, anyone read this?

Our higher education reporter Amy Hilvers did a story on the Kern County Superintnedent of Schools office hiring an auditor and an attorney to investigate the relationship between Bakersfield Music Theatre and the Kern High School District.

What's going on thespians?!?! What's the deal?

Read the story below.

April 23, 2005
Section: Local
Page: b1

Outside review of KHSD ordered

   AMY HILVERS, Californian staff writere-mail: ahilvers@bakersfield.com

The Kern County Superintendent of Schools office will hire an auditor and attorney to investigate the Kern High School District's relationship with a local theater that is run by its associate superintendent. KHSD Superintendent Don Carter asked for the review after KHSD trustee Chad Vegas requested the investigation at Monday night's board meeting.

Vegas made the call after receiving an anonymous letter signed "disgruntled employee," asking trustees to probe into dealings by Associate Superintendent of Personnel James Fillbrandt, who is also the executive producer of the nonprofit Bakersfield Music Theatre.

The letter writer made several accusations and provided documents, which they said back up the claims. The letter accused Fillbrandt of using district resources inappropriately and of having a conflict of interest.

Vegas said he wanted an investigation because he has heard accusations for months.

"If this isn't anything but gossip and conjecture, then it fully puts it to rest ... and exonerates Dr. Fillbrandt of any rumors of wrongdoing," Vegas said. "If there is wrongdoing, we're more likely to find that out also."

Carter said he never named Fillbrandt in the request for a review. Due to the nature of the allegations in the letter, he wanted an outside agency to look into the relationship between the district and the theater.

Fillbrandt often requests that the district allow him to use Bakersfield High School's Harvey Auditorium for performances, school records show, and frequently uses the theater on Sundays, which is against district policy unless it's approved by the board. Trustees often approve the usage, and the district loses money on the agreements.

Fillbrandt was out of the office this week and could not be reached for comment. He has previously said that without the district's help, the theater would go out of business.

Fillbrandt came under fire earlier this week on the Inga Barks talk-radio show. She also received the anonymous letter. She invited listeners to weigh in on the issue and responses poured in on www.onebakersfield.com.


Copyright, 2005, The Bakersfield Californian
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Comments? Questions? Thoughts, my little tragic hipsters?

All locked up and no where to go

I spent the entire weekend locked in my apartment writing and watching movies, only leaving the homestead to feed my fake sister Christina's tempermental, mental patient cat Spooky. Even though the cat knows me and actually, (shock of shocks) likes me we still have to go through this same dance of me offering my finger as a substitute nose so we can do the universal cat equivalent of a handshake. I have to do this for her to know that it is OK to rub herself all over me and meow loudly about whatever injustice she feels she has indured in her owner's absence.

My cat, who is insane but in a different way, is like some pushy close talker with no concept of personal space. No need for hellos. He's on you within two seconds of entering the apartment.

Anyway, the weekend was productive. Dishes were washed, dirtied again and washed again. Part of the living room got successfully vacuumed. I watched my VHS copy of "Face/Off" which I hadn't seen in at least a couple years and was happy to see that it was holding up well due to John Woo not fiddling too much with the clothes. Giant black flowing overcoats, double-fisted gun play and men's suits never go out of style. And it was startling to see Nick Cage and actually enjoy the acting. That hadn't happened in so long I forgot that underneath the hubris he can actually act.

I've been working on this screenplay I'm supposed to be getting to my compadre Roger to read as he's been wanting to read the thing since I told him about the project. Of course, since I can literally write myself into infinity, I've become obsessed with making two scenes in particular click and have been entertaining the thought of gutting the thing and starting over. I started writing the thing when my insomnia finally went away and I was on this crazy writing streak where everyday for, like, seven months I'd get off work and write from 6 p.m. to 11 p.m. straight living off coffee and Marie Callendar frozen dinners. Then I'd lock myself up in my apartment all weekend and write more, usually from 8 a.m. to midnight.

Yeah. It was insane.

Then my mother came to visit and I came down with a bad case of whatever that thing was that everyone was getting a month back and I was out of commission for two weeks. That totally put a kink in my writing. In those seven months I'd written nearly seven screenplays, a musical, edited one of my unfinished novels and several short stories. (Yeah, I'm working on getting a literary agent. Anyday now ...) Mind you, The Californian pays me to write for a living then I'd go home and write more. I was basically writing myself into the nut house so after I got sick I was forced to finally stop. I'm just now getting my rhythm back. I ended up spending the weekend doing another edit on this movie musical I started writing after I saw Cher a few months back. (It features all the crappy music I love.) I wrote the thing in three days. Decided I hated it. Started a rewrite two months ago. Then a few days ago I decided I liked the original one better and decided to fix it rather than rewrite the whole mess. So now the thing is ALMOST at that point where I should probably leave it the hell alone. I just need to cut a few scenes and fix this one character who is not clicking for me.

Anyway, that's probably more than you wanted to know about my obsessive approach to writing. I made the mistake when I was home in St. Louis to tell my mother about my writing projects. (I haven't told her what I've been working on since I finished my first novel that I will someday ritualistically burn when I was 13.) It's not that I don't want the mommy person to know, it's just my projects outside of The Californian all run on Danielle time which is achingly slow. For months before I got sick it was all about the musical (which takes place in Oakland), now I'm trying to get the old brain back jumpstarted by watching TV and reading.

Still I have to endure her asking in that "I'm just really interested in your life since you never tell me anything" voice, "So, how's the play going?" Considering that the musical is in development hell in search of a musician with an infinite amount of free time, it's as fine as it's going to get.

The Theater Thing

Wrote a big Sunday article about theater in Bakersfield. Read all about it here.

Or on the Drama Rama blog here.

I wrote about all the drama in Bakersfield theater. You know? The backstage drama. The financial drama. The competitive drama. All that stuff that makes theater people, theater people all around the world. The thing was a bitch to write. It took forever. But I hope it gives people an idea of what it means to be in theater in Bakersfield (re: a very poor artsy person).

I also thought it was fascinating to see how the wealthiest theater (BMT) and the poorest (Empty Space) both are always one step from going out of business, showing that the problems are universal of theater and general whether you're doing "Aida" or losing all your clothes in "Angels in America."

Anyway, what did you folks think of the article? (I know you thespians are out there reading this blog. You all posted to the "Sin City" thread to brag about your serial killer potential.)

Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? Comments? Questions?

TV Vertigo

I went on TV tonight for the first time in months and it was a live broadcast from the newsroom. While I have no fear of making a complete fool of myself on television I do have a fear of the mini news set in the newsroom because it's perched up high on a high director's chair and involves sitting on two phone books. I suffer from various phobias from time to time (all equally annoying) and lately my fear of heights have worsened to the point that I can't go down escalators (I can only go up) and have trouble going down the stairs in the parking garage at work. (So far the stairs at work aren't giving me trouble.) And I've never been able to go down stairs without staring at my feet the whole time.

So, I was not happy about sitting in that flimsy high chair that sits on an open, elevated platform in the newsroom. It's been fifteen minutes and I'm still trying to calm down. Essentially it feels like I'm floating independently and I can't find the horizon line anymore. It's weird. But I'm just grateful I made it through the whole thing without tumbling down the platform on live television.

I'd thought I'd outgrown all my childhood phobias but gradually, one by one they've all returned to my annoyance. My fear of wide open spaces. My fear of large inatimate objects that move on their own (that would be those animatronic puppets at the Country Bear Jamborie and pump jacks. I think you folks call them "rigs" out here.) My fear of masks. (Can't watch those Burger King commericals with the gigant plastic king in them. The King will eat me. I don't like it. I don't like it at all.) And now my fear of heights.

At least my fear of animals and bugs didn't come back. It would make it really hard to live with my cat ...

The Reality Show That Should Be Shown in High Schools Across America

So the other day I was watching TV, unwinding from a long day at the news factory when I found myself watching "Nanny 911" on Fox.

I usually don't make a point to watch this, but I was fiddling around with the remote and stumbled upon it. Sure enough, I couldn't take my eyes off it. Yeah, it's unbelievable cheesy. C'mon. It's FOX. The show's premise involves a stressed out family with usually a butt-load of screaming, unruly children and then some prim "English" nanny, complete in a "Harry Potter meets Mary Poppins in a Nunnery outfit" and commences to get down to some no nonsense British nanny rearing for those clueless Yankees.

(I wonder if there's an equivalent to this on the BBC featuring some pushy American — like Sassy Black Woman 911, where a black southern woman who's raised the bratty children of rich southerners for generations brings out some good ol' bama wisdom to the Brits. "Time out? Oh no. Aunt Nessie don't play that. You take your Brit butt outside and cut yo'self a switch!")

As stupid as this is, (I mean, c'mon, the uniform? The nanny roundtable? The fake Britishness? No way in hell!) I strongly believe this show should be shown in high school's across America because I swear, it's like friggin' birth control. Five minutes of it made me never want to have children or get married. OBGYN's could just prescribe that people watch this. You'll think twice about doing the horizontal lambada without a parachute. Or twice about even doing it at all. The last episode featured a messy, hazard area that used to be a house with three dogs, three cats, two rabbits, a hamster, five feral children, a troglodyte husband and a woman so exhausted she looks like she's two steps from the mental asylum.

On top of that her husband likes to called her "fat" repeatedly in front of the children and essentially encourages them to join in the fat mongering. Then he complained that she was thin when he married her and this wasn't what he signed on for.

Let's see what your waistline looks like after you pop out five violent feral brats, buddy!

As for the kids, one screamed constantly. Like a death scream. Like the painting "The Scream" all the time. All of them hit each other and pushed each other into things. One girl already had a broke arm. The dog hid under the dining room table. The two-year-old repeatedly tried to kill his baby sister. Usually by beating her up around the head, sitting on her or suffocating her. Then the father sometimes liked to hold his son down and harass him until he was crying and hyperventilating. Then he'd mock his tears and inability to breath. Forget Nanny 911. These people needed DCFS 911 — Where an overworked, underpaid American social worker comes to your house and tells you to get your parenting skills together or she'll threaten to put your kids into the Kern County foster care system. They were raising future serial killers and sociopaths of America in that house.

I can still see that high school health class now. Showing pictures of the husband and wife before kids, all young and thin and ready to do it. Then cut to the fatness and brats and chauvinist crap and see the reality of what one night of fun will do to you? You could be THIS woman!

Run away, lady. Leave the demon spawns with Daddy and just run ... a ... way.

More on "Joe's Woes"

Sunday The Californian ran a pair of stories by Christina Vance on Daniel Sepeda's death and the subsequent death threats towards the now closed Downtown Joe's.

One is from the perspective of an anonymous bouncer who was working Downtown Joe's that night. The other is a report from Sepeda's funeral with his friends and family giving their side of what happened.

Man, this turned into "Rashomon" pretty fast.

Just like in Kurosawa's 1950 film, what happened that night pretty much depends on who you asked.

In the bouncer's story the club is packed and Joe's, over the past six months, has been frequented more and more often by a "thug" element.

In the funeral story, a friend of Sepeda's who was there said the bar wasn't crowded at all and that she could clearly see through the crowd.

The bouncer said he was trying to help Sepeda and claims the man attacked him.

Sepeda's friends say bouncers overreacted when a small scuffle started between Sepeda and another man.

The only thing both stories seem to agree on was that Sepeda was put into a chokehold and tossed outside the club onto the sidewalk.

Woes at Downtown Joes

They closed Downtown Joes (AKA the Bullpen AKA whatever they called it before it was the Bullpen). In case you were under a rock or out of town like me, the downtown bar spot was once again the backdrop to someone's grisly death. Namely Daniel Hector Sepeda who was allegedly involved in a 10 person fight and wound up dying of strangulation according to the county coroner.

Back when this place was the Bullpen I was out on that night in 2002 when a man was murdered after a guy decided to go all Rambo and fire at random into a crowded street. I went home about two hours before things went feral as I thought the crowd had an eerie "mob mentality" vibe going on about it. A party was raging at a business a friend of mine owned. The Bullpen, Riley's, the Alley Cat and just about every bar on the block was packed and there wasn't a cop in sight. So I listened to my spidey sense and went home.

That nightmare resulted in several people getting hurt, a guy getting killed, my friend having to close down his business, downtown being a dead zone for several weekends and the Bullpen closing only to reopen as Downtown Joes. I don't know what's up with this place. Back when I started doing bar reviews they asked if I'd come out to review their establishment, but I didn't even feel safe when crossing the street near the place. Needless to say, I wasn't going in there.

Since they've decided to close the business for good I don't know what's going to happen. It's not like we need another vacant building on that street looking like bombed out graffiti plastered crap. We've got the old department store on the corner for that. And folks are trying to build downtown up, not add to the blight.

Personally, I think they should gut the place, bring in some priests to clear out all the bad juju and remodel the joint into the sort of place where people won't get the urge to shoot someone or start a ten person fight. Kosmos (which used to be Goose Loonies) is a nice place. It would be nice to have something else on that level, but with a different theme on the street.

Folks won't start to treat things differently unless they look differently. Put some pride into your surroundings and people will think twice about spray painting all over them. And if you do get tagged, try to get it cleaned up as soon as possible to make your point that you're not going to tolerate such tomfoolery. I mean, it's pretty ridiculous that we're the larger city, but Visalia has a better downtown than us.

Visalia, people. Visalia!

Nice town, BTW. Some of my best friends live in Visalia.

Anyway, I hate the amount of BS you have to deal with when you go out downtown sometimes. For every Fishlips and Gumbeaux's there's hole-in-the-wall with a bunch of jerks knocking folks' heads in because they decided to get liquored up and act a fool. And I know people are angry at the bouncers, but geez-a-lou, why on earth was there a 10 person fight going on in the first place? Something is terribly, terribly wrong here. If fights weren't this much of a problem this would be a non-issue. Why people, why?

Thoughts? Arguments? Questions?

Word of the Day!

Haven't had one in a while! Enjoy!

dilettante: n. Someone who has an interest in a subject, especially art, literature or science, but does not study it very seriously or in depth.

"My more math minded friend enjoyed the idea of fine art but only had the energy to be dilettante."

Manha Manha!

The question is "what is Manha Manha?"

RoboCop

Did you know that Criterion has a DVD for the first RoboCop? (They did a laser disc back when people didn't buy laser disks.) Watched the thing twice last night. Movie was better than I remembered (gotta love that ED 209), and without all the MPAA edits, twice as violent.

The violence was disturbing (for my lengthy definition of what I find disturbing scroll down and read my "Sin City" post. Keep in mind while reading it -- I liked that movie) but I liked RoboCop because it fell into the five film genres that I love:

1. Gangster Epic ("Once Upon A Time in America," "GoodFellas," "Heat")
2. Southern Gothic ("Eve's Bayou," "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil," "Feats of All Saints")
3. Anything with Johnny Depp or Robert De Niro in it (Someone make a film with Depp and De Niro so I can die happy already!)
4. The Jazz Age/Harlem Renaissance ("Chicago," "The Cotton Club," "Pennies From Heaven")
5. I've Seen the Future and the Future is Fascist! ("RoboCop," "Brazil," "Starship Troopers")

I have some fav subgenres; "Musicals (Carmen Jones)," "Cartoon Anything (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)," "Psycho Bitches You Love (All About Eve)" and "Crappy Black Films of the 1990s and 80s (Anything with Allen Payne ... man, I LOVE Allen Payne!)" but they often overlap into the five main categories.

Like "Aeon Flux" is a Sci-Fi-Fascism toon starring a Psycho Bitch You Love. Julie Taymor's "Titus" is Shakespeare's "OG" -- the "Original Gangster Epic" featuring yet another Psycho Bitch You Love with a nice Sci-Fi-Fascism undercurrent. It also stars an actor from my "Crappy Black Films of the 1990s and 80s" collection, Harry J. Lennix. (I LOVE Harry J!)

Now make me a fascist 1920s futuristic gangster epic with Johnny Depp and De Niro playing a pair of southerners and I'm there!

You know? Like Spielberg/Kubrick's "AI" -- only watchable. Or "Westworld."

You know? But better.

Anyway, "RoboCop" is an integral part of my Sci-Fi-Fascism collection which includes my favorite SFF flick Terry Gilliam's "Brazil," the action comedy "Demolition Man" and the under-rated Verhooven sex n' violence bonaza "Starship Troopers." I really hate Fascism, but enjoy it within the safety of a movie as SFF's tend to represent a slightly more "believable" version of the future to me. (As opposed to "AI" which is kind of like "SFF For Limp Wristed Pansies.") A good SFF has to have something about it that's just inherently rotten and messed up. Like even though "Demolition Man" is the least dark of my SFF's it still involves a guy who is frozen for a crime he didn't commit and wakes up into a future where everyone he loves is dead.

But the best ones feature the whole "no hope at all" aspect to it. (As Fascism kills all hope. Otherwise you're like, "Fascism really can't be that bad! Look how clean the city is and free of crime! Sure, a cop just executed a man right in front of us but the cleaning droid will get it!") Like how in "RoboCop" Murphy and Lewis are so never getting it on since he's been turned into a metal monster and has to make the best of what he's got left, which is crime fighting and not much else. Or how "Brazil" ends with a frontal lobotomy. Or how Spielberg totally should have ended "Minority Report" twenty minutes early. He did "Schindler's List" and hasn't been able to see the sinister side of things ever since. Dude, SFF is dark, man! Dark! No hope! Get that hope out of there!

Anyway, I'm looking for SFF films I haven't seen (I've seen a lot of them.) Any suggestions? I'm going to finally watch "Total Recall" but I have a prejudice against Arnold films that I have to get over first.

But it's a Paul Verhooven film and he's a sick, demented mo-fo. It can't be that bad.

Freak Fest gets iced (temporarily)

I leave for a week, and I swear, it's like the whole world falls apart. Freak Fest 2005 has been postponed and I'm like, geez, if it weren't for bad luck entertainment in this town wouldn't have any luck at all.

My story on all this should be in tomorrow's Californian. Chris Fleming, the president of CK Entertainment, which puts on Freak Fest, has vowed that he will try to keep the show in Kern County even if it means that for 2005 he might not be able to have it here. Seems there are some issues about how large the event is growing at such a rapid place. Chris told me they were expecting as many as 20,000 people at this year's show.

But for folks who still want to hear Adema, Kottonmouth Kings, HEDpe, Home Grown and Guttermouth, the show MUST go on. KRAB radio has put up for the nearly 50 bands who were supposed to play Freak Fest to play a two day show at The Dome on Saturday, April 23 and Stramler Park Sunday, April 24. Local promoter Tim Gardea is putting it together. It'll be the cover of next week's Thursday Eye section.

This whole situation kind of annoys me. Even though I'm more of a jazz-R&B-indie-rock kind of girl, I liked the fact that Freak Fest was going on because it was good for Kern County to have a rock festival of its own. Especially one with so much growth potential. Plus CK Entertinament has gone two years without any major incidents surrounding the festival and the fellas running the show seemed to have their head on straight. This year they were even moving to make it a bit more "family friendly." (Naked babes on hot rods for after-hours, bro.) This really has the potential to give Kern County some rock n' roll clout. And believe me, we need all the clout we can get. I like the B-town, but folks outside of the Golden Empire think we're a bunch of ass-backwards hicks down here.

Anyway, I hope Chris Fleming and the county are able to work this thing out. This, in the long term, could be a great money-maker, promotional tool, fund raiser, "you-name-it" for Bakersfield, the Famoso Raceway and Kern County.

Sweet home, Bakersfield

I'm back! The STL was great. Saw the fam. All is well. The mommy person enjoyed her birthday and my surprise visit. My Arkansas family was in the house (and felt the need to tell me I'd gained weight since I'd seen them last, but alas, this is my family. No "how's California?" just, "I see you've gained some weight." I'm like, thanks. Really needed to hear that.)

Family history of obesity aside, it was nice to see everyone.

I'm going the STL

Shhh ... I'm suprising my mother for her birthday this weekend, so I'm going to be outtie for a few days. I'm heading to St. Louis for her suprise party with all our Arkansas and Chicago homies ...

And speaking of Chicago, local purse designer Misa Misono is moving there. She's still going to do the purse thang but not full time. Find out about her last purse show happening this coming Tuesday in B-town here.

See you folks on Tuesday!

"Sin City"

Friday night I headed out after a friend's birthday party to have my mind sodomized by "Sin City." My homie Christina, who I saw the film with, described it as the most lovingly, artistically made film about murder, torture, rape, child molestation and hopelessness ever.

She pretty much doesn't want to ever see it again. She described the action in the flick as "ultra-violence," a term I hadn't heard in some time.

How ultra-violent is "Sin City" you ask? Well, you remember where the term "ultra-violence" comes from, right? You remember"A Clockwork Orange," right?" Think Stanley Kubrick's 1971 film -- the scene where a man is brutally beaten while Malcolm MacDowell's "Alex" sings an off-key rendetion of "Singing In the Rain," then promptly rapes the fellow's wife?

Oh yeah, Sin City's waaaaay more shocking than that.

Remember Michael Madsen slicing off the cop's ear in "Resevoir Dogs?" Imagine a movie where it's nothing but ear slicing scenes ... and decapitation scenes and torture scenes!

Every moment of this film was like when Tony Dogs's head was in a vice in "Casino" and his eye popped out or when Tommy shot Spider for standing up to him, thus killing him in "GoodFellas."

But worse.

How worse? Well, imagine "Sin City" is like that prolonged torture scene in the Japanese film "Audition" where the creepy S&M girl gets evil on the dude with her acupucture needles then head's over to Anthony Hopkins's crib to help him fry up Ray Liotta's brain like a fajita. Then together S&M chick and Hannibal the Cannibal serve it to Sally Field's daughter just before a totally KKK-ed out Kiefer Sutherland brutally rapes her while Field listens helpless to it on her cell phone, all part of that horrific opening sequence in 1996's "Eye for An Eye" that I'll never be able to remove from my memory ...

Maybe. Maybe that could live up to a fraction of the shock therapy of "Sin City." But I'm not sure. Maybe we should throw in the creepy Nazi that you can't kill from "Hellboy."

And I liked the movie. Really. I liked "Sin City" ... sort of. But I'm going to keep it real and say that it was the most sick, disturbing thing I'd ever seen and I'm can't believe it didn't get rated NC-17. A matter of fact, the only reason why I think it didn't was because of the "cartoon" element and the fact that it was in black and white. Believe me, if "Sin City" had been in color I would have vomited within the first 10 minutes. And this is from a woman who actually likes films by both Paul Verhooven AND Quentin Tarantino.

"Sin City" makes the politically incorrect "sex n' violence" circus of "Basic Instinct," "Kill Bill, Vol. 1 & 2" and "Natural Born Killers" cinematic nursery rhymes filled with lullabyes wrapped in happy, fun-fun candy!

But when not horrified beyond all belief I was enjoying the movie. Some of it was just beautiful to look at. (Loved the snow and rain. Sure, people were getting massacred in it, but I still liked it.) And the dedication director Robert Rodriguez had to Frank Miller's work was remarkable. Obviously not afraid of commitment, Rodriguez committed himself right to the center of hell to make this movie. He stayed true to the original books, but what's interesting in 2-D turns into pure sadism on the big screen. So many times I wanted to scream, "For God sake! Stop shooting the guy. He's DEAD already!" as cops literally unloaded buckets-o-bullets (patent pending) into folks already dead on the ground.

And I really didn't need to see ... well, a lot of it ... I mean, does anyone need to see anyone's testicle get ripped out by hand? And I already think Elijah Wood is creepy looking. This movie only confirmed the fact that his gigantic, freaky blue eyes are SCARRIER BEYOND ALL BELIEF.

That said, the fact that I saw this movie three days ago and it still feels like I watched it ten minutes ago is a testimate to its greatness, even if that greatness is essentially what Christina described as being a two-hour "snuff film."

But really, I liked it, I think ... but I believe my reaction to it was normal. I know that there will be people who will like this movie, but be highly disturbed, like myself. Then there will be people who will be highly disturbed and hate it, but still see its merits, like Christina. Or people who will just plain hate it.

And all those reactions make sense to me. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a lot of people don't like domestic violence and child molestation. What won't make sense to me will be the person who LOVED the movie and slept fine the following night. Or worse yet, the person who gripes about Jessica Alba not pulling the fully Monty for her torture scene like in the comic. You know? Those people who wanted MORE horrible things to happen to helpless people.

I don't even want to meet those people.

Wait. I take that back. I want to know who those sickos are so I know not to go anywhere near them. You are not making soup out of my skin when you decide to go all Jeffrey Dahmer on folks.

Anyway, I've heard the term cinematic rape thrown around before, but I think this is film that you will find pictured next to the term in the dictionary. All I need to do now is see it in an IMAX theater so I can lose all hope for mankind and pludge head first into a world of darkness and sorrow ...

Grandbabies, NOW!

My Sunday column about my Granny trying to order babies out of me like people order dollars out of an ATM ...
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A few weekends ago I had to endure my grandmother telling me that I needed to have some babies with the sort of urgency you only hear in monster truck commercials and weather alerts.

I was almost 30! She’d heard I’d stopped dating! She wanted more grandchildren!

Nevermind that we’d had this conversation before or that she had nine children herself and literally has an army’s worth of grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces and nephews. And it wasn’t good enough that one of my cousins had just had a baby.

I hadn’t had a baby. She wanted to see my progeny. I needed to jump into someone right now, put a gun to their head, make them marry me and get to getting her some great-grandbabies!
Love her to death, but right now? That’s not going to happen.
I talked to my eldest sister, Denise, who is also unmarried and childless, about this. She’s 31 years old and for whatever reason, my grandmother has not lectured her about this. (Hey, I at least got married and horribly failed at it. I should get some brownie points.) But we mostly chatted about how it was strange this was coming from our grandmother and not our parents who have never once asked where their son-in-laws and grandbabies were. They’ve never done it. Hasn’t come up.

I asked my mother when she came to visit me in March if she wished she were a grandmother. All her friends were doing it. She sort of shrugged it off. I wasn’t surprised.

Neither one of my parents talked to me or my sisters about marriage. They talked about mortgage — but marriage? I think I’ve heard more terse “tut-tutting” over being a renter versus a homeowner than my chronic singledom. And nearly every stern lecture of my childhood ended with “go to school” or “go to college” or a shoutout to savings accounts, 401(k)s and stock options.

The National Associations of Realtors reported back in 2003 that single women made up the second largest group of home buyers and most experts say that’s because women are more educated, making more money and waiting longer to get married — all things my parents largely advocated back when I was pimple-faced and surly.

So basically, my parents engineered their daughters in a way that would ensure we would not get married or have babies in an expedient manner. Thus ensuring that big sister Denise is more likely to wake up in the middle of the night shouting “Oh no! I forgot to diversify the stock portfolio” than “Oops! I forgot to have the baby.”
But I suppose if I really tried, really made an honest effort and got back out there and blah, blah, blah ... Nah. I’m too lazy. And besides, she wants me to get hitched right now and the only folks I have a chance at a fast marital turnaround with are death row inmates or fellow bitter divorcees, just as broke and with just as much financial debt and emotional baggage as myself.

Convicted killer Scott Peterson was only in San Quentin State Prison for less than an hour and he already had marriage proposals.

Nevermind he’s on death row for murdering his pregnant wife, the warden’s office got three dozen phone calls from women who wanted to be the future Mrs. Peterson.

As for marrying the fella who’s been down that aisle before, the U.S. Census shows that divorced men remarry faster than their female counterparts. Author Leslie Fram even wrote a book about it that my grandmother is probably trying to figure out how to mail to me right now. It’s called “How to Marry a Divorced Man” and it’s all about taking someone else’s leftovers and making a fine casserole out of it.

Being a leftover myself, I don’t know how I really feel about that book or its title as I find all books promising to bring you a lover, husband, home, car, infinite fame, friends and riches akin to spam, Internet pop- ups and bad silicone implants — they all ring horribly false.
As for whether a desire for coupling exists inside of me, a “well-duh, of course it does” answer is what rapidly surfaces. Who doesn’t want to? You’d have to be crazy. I just want my grandmother to stop ordering children out of my womb like I’m some fast-food drive-through menu with bad speakers.

I want her to yell at the people who are really responsible for this — her daughter and son-in-law. My mother, by early 1970s definition was an “old maid” at 25 when she married my father. What’s considered the proper age for an “old maid” now? I’m 27 so I’m just going to say it’s not 27. And how old are you? Thirty? Thirty-five? Forty?

Yeah, I probably won’t be married by then either so, no, tell them Danielle Belton said you’re not old maids either. The term’s archaic anyway. You’re part of a hot new trend. The “50 is the new 30” trend. Now go have fun buying up houses and not having babies.

No matter what she says, your granny will still love you.

My #1 Crutch

No surprise. I hate reality TV. A matter of fact the only reality TV shows I even watched with some sort of regularity were the first season of "Average Joe" (Yeah, that was a big rip off.) The first season of "The Apprentince." (Omorosa is the new Whitney Houston!) That season of American Idol I was paid to watch. (The show makes me want to become violent.)

And "America's Next Top Model."

All those other shows, I could have taken or left. Sometimes I missed entire episodes. Sometimes they were just things in the way of my Law & Order episodes. But my life would stop Tuesday nights to watch Tyra Banks, a bunch of gay black men and Janice Dickenson run rampant over a gaggle of unnaturally tall, thin n' pretty girls' self-esteem. I did not miss an episode of the first two seaons (watched both repeats of season one), decided my interest was unhealthy and that Tyra and me needed some space, so I did not watch the third season.

But then, bored a few Tuesdays ago I flipped on UPN and saw that Tyra was back. It was the preimere episode of season four and I tried to change the channel but nothing was on except all those shows where the ugly guy is married to the hot wife and as soon as I saw Banks' gigantic signature forehead I was like, "Yeah. I'm watching this thing."

So yeah. I'm watching this thing. Whoo-hoo gay black men and Janice Dickenson! Crush those dreams!